Young Writers Society

as the dawn comes to an end
and i hold your face within my end
i think about how i just want the world to end
so that i could always hold your face within my hands
and feel your body next to mine
even as the world melted away with the rising sun
i would smile with you by my side
even if society crumpled away with the suns coming
and the oceans ran wild as the world cried
i would smile as all time stood still
as your lips met my
as the world disappeared in a golden haze
i would see nothing but your face right next to mine
so please darling
just sit here for a minute longer
before you have to go and leave my side
i would like all those miles to disappear
and the world to end
if i could just keep your smile by my side
if this kiss could just last forever
and i could always smile
but you always have to go in the end
always floating away on such fragil paper wings
leaving with the rising sun
and as i watch you disappear into the horizon
always left wondering
if fate will cause our paths to collide again
and if i will be able to hold your face within my hands once again
as the dawn ends and the sun rises
wishing that the world could end
so i could just hold your smile
till we could finally end
and melt away rising sun

Overall, I like this piece. It is very simple, but a sweet description of transient love.

Line 2: "and i hold your face within my end"
To me, it is not very clear what this means. Does it mean the subject's life, etc is ending? I might change it for the sake of distinguishing it from the line before and after, which both also end with the word "end"

Line 8, "suns" should have an 's

Line 11, "as your lips met my" Do you mean "mine" instead of "my"? I like it the way it is, though because the reader infers that the rest of the sentence should say "my lips"

I enjoyed it. But some lines didn't flow together very smoothly. You should lengthen them out, add new words. But good job!
Dragon Rider

Hey!
I really like the ideas in this poem and the vocabulary you used, the only thing that majorly needs working on is the structure. As others have pointed out, this doesn't really flow properly because of some awkward wording and lack of flow. But not too worry, I'm here to try and help

as the dawn comes to an end
and i hold your face within my end
i think about how i just want the world to end

The above doesn't work for two reasons - firstly because the "hold your face within my end" doesn't make sense, and secondly because the repition of the word "end" is just a little too much. Maybe change the last line to "I think about just how I want the world to end" which would make more sense.

even as ifthe world melted away with the rising sun
i would smile with you by my side
even if society crumpled away with the suns coming did you mean "coming suns"?
and the oceans ran wild as the world cried nice sentence, I like this
i would smile as all time stood still

I really like the first line and the fourth line from this, so well done.

just sit stayhere for a minute longer
before you have to go and leave my side

I think 'stay' would sound better.

but you always have to go in the end
always floating away on such fragile paper wings

Just a spelling error there; also, I think it sounds better without the reptition of "always".

if fate will cause our paths to collide again
and if i will be able to hold your face within my hands once again
as the dawn ends and the sun rises

"once again" seems to break the flow by being too long a phrase. The last line is good though, I really like the recurring theme of the sun and the dawn.

wishing that the world could wouldend who is wishing? Maybe add an "I"
so i could just hold your smile
till we could finally end I'm not too sure what you mean by "end" here, do you mean "die"?
and melt away therising sun

I think last stanzas are very important, and this one needs just a bit of work. The last sun sounds nice but doesn't make a lot of sense to me, maybe consider revising that.
Also, some of the grammar here needs to be corrected; there were a lot of "i"s that needed to be capitalised etc.
Overall, good job! Hope the above helped, I didn't mean to be too crtical, I just though that this was a really nice and sweet poem that with a bit of revising could be close to flawless. Well done, keep writing!