Young Writers Society

I’m forgetting the time,
All of my thoughts are arranged in a rhyme,
I’m spitting them out line by line.
I’m telling my story,
I’m setting my stage,
I’m spilling myself all over the page,
I’m full of rage.
Completely calm,
Once the pencil’s in my palm.
Blank pages are inviting,
I’m only living when I’m writing.

Nice idea, but this piece is very basic. You could develop this a lot more. Tighten it up, add some more to it, be specific. My only specific complaint is about these two lines:

I’m full of rage.
Completely calm,

Having these two lines back to back is absolutely contradictory. You need to either take one of them out, or if you really want to work in both thoughts, find a way to do it where you're not contradicting yourself.

Wow, I thought this was great!!! I like the simple, concise way you set it out, and I like the 'I'm full of rage. Completely calm' part, because I know what you mean Good job!!!

I love it - it sounds like a rap!

Once Upon A Dream wrote:Having these two lines back to back is absolutely contradictory. You need to either take one of them out, or if you really want to work in both thoughts, find a way to do it where you're not contradicting yourself.

I have to disagree. I love the way those two lines contradict themselves because I find it so true. I can be completely calm for myself because I love the writing, but filled with rage because one of my characters is extremely angry at the time. It fits perfectly for me.

My only complaint is that the rhyming seems forced at times. If it were me I would go back and try and write it without the rhymes.

Oh wow, i really liked this one. It sounds like it would be spoken outloud like this program at this highschool called SPOKEN WORD. Where poets read their poems and such.

I really liked this, I was wondering what it was... I saw the title ealier but couldn't check it.
Nice job on this one!

Althought I believe you can add more lines, I wouldn't honestly know what to write about.

Yeah, it started out as a rap.. Haha.. That's what most of everything I write begins as.. Thanks for the comments guys, I'll work on it! (Oh, and the full of rage/completely calm part was supposed to be a contradiction).

It was ok....but for such a topic I think it needed to be better. x

hey thats catchy.