Need You.

4 posts
User avatar
Gender Female
Points 856
Reviews 46
I tell myself,
"This is enough!"
I find reasons
To forget you.

But, I don't know why
It always happens to me.
Nothing makes sense,
Reasons run out of me.

And every time
I think of you
I just cry
And I don't know why.

I want to see your face,
Want to feel your embrace,
Though not to i try, yet i cry.
And I need you by my side.
Imperfection is beauty,
Madness is genius,
And it's better to be absolutely ridiculous
Than to be absolutely boring... :-D




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1666
Reviews 76
This poem was somewhat confusing, or I could tell the writer was confused when writing this. It was simple, short, and conflicting -- I liked it. Good job! There were a few mistakes, however. The lines were choppy and didn't flow very well, try adding more/less words to make it more even and smooth.

best wishes,
Nessa




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 11009
Reviews 413
This poem was short, sweet and sad. I liked it, and just have a few comments. First of all, I couldn't tell if this was supposed to rhyme. If so, you didn't have any sort of rhyme scheme that I could see.
But, I don't know why
It always happens to me.
Nothing makes sense,
Reasons run out of me.
In this stanza it felt repetitive to see two lines ending with me. And here:
Though not to i try, yet i cry.
I just didn't understand that at all. You could write, "Though I try not to, I cry" or just take out "though" or "yet". Otherwise, good job, I liked it!
A non-writing writer is a monster courting insanity. -Kafka

Look: A Link! https://caijobetweenthepages.wordpress.com/




User avatar
Gender Male
Points 1322
Reviews 41
What the two people above me found confusing, I found intriguing.

Such as when you posted "Though not to i try, yet i cry", as brought to everyone's attention above, it has a sort of cryptic sense to it. I like that.

Though as was pointed out blatantly already, this was a little choppy. However, I can sympathize with this and overlook that to some extent.

Good poem, overall.
.We don't exist.



Go and make interesting mistakes, make amazing mistakes, make glorious and fantastic mistakes. Break rules. Leave the world more interesting for your being here.
— Neil Gaiman