Need You.

4 posts
User avatar
Gender Female
Points 856
Reviews 46
I tell myself,
"This is enough!"
I find reasons
To forget you.

But, I don't know why
It always happens to me.
Nothing makes sense,
Reasons run out of me.

And every time
I think of you
I just cry
And I don't know why.

I want to see your face,
Want to feel your embrace,
Though not to i try, yet i cry.
And I need you by my side.
Imperfection is beauty,
Madness is genius,
And it's better to be absolutely ridiculous
Than to be absolutely boring... :-D




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1666
Reviews 76
This poem was somewhat confusing, or I could tell the writer was confused when writing this. It was simple, short, and conflicting -- I liked it. Good job! There were a few mistakes, however. The lines were choppy and didn't flow very well, try adding more/less words to make it more even and smooth.

best wishes,
Nessa




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 11009
Reviews 413
This poem was short, sweet and sad. I liked it, and just have a few comments. First of all, I couldn't tell if this was supposed to rhyme. If so, you didn't have any sort of rhyme scheme that I could see.
But, I don't know why
It always happens to me.
Nothing makes sense,
Reasons run out of me.
In this stanza it felt repetitive to see two lines ending with me. And here:
Though not to i try, yet i cry.
I just didn't understand that at all. You could write, "Though I try not to, I cry" or just take out "though" or "yet". Otherwise, good job, I liked it!
A non-writing writer is a monster courting insanity. -Kafka

Look: A Link! https://caijobetweenthepages.wordpress.com/




User avatar
Gender Male
Points 1322
Reviews 41
What the two people above me found confusing, I found intriguing.

Such as when you posted "Though not to i try, yet i cry", as brought to everyone's attention above, it has a sort of cryptic sense to it. I like that.

Though as was pointed out blatantly already, this was a little choppy. However, I can sympathize with this and overlook that to some extent.

Good poem, overall.
.We don't exist.



I have a Gumbie Cat in mind, her name is Jennyanydots; Her coat is one of the tabby kind,with tiger stripes and leopard spots.
— T.S. Eliot, Old Possum's Book of Practical Cats