Elf

7 posts
User avatar
Gender Other
Points 1503
Reviews 81
She's a little slip of a thing,
Ethereal and insubstantial.
I'd reach out and take a hold of her,
Pull her to me and keep her there,
Safe;
Act quickly, before she disappears.
But I'm afraid
That my fingers may meet only with mist.

I've heard people described
As having elfin features,
But I've never before met anyone
Who actually had them.
Delicate, egg-shaped face,
Big, round, shiny eyes,
And her ears, slightly pointed, I swear.
An imp, to all appearances.

And I don't see her any more,
So I make her up:
'What do you think of this, my darling.'
And she says something
So bitingly witty
And brilliantly perceptive
That I almost believe she's here.

Almost.

Spoiler
I just wrote this in like, five minutes, but I felt like posting. Advice would be appreciated! Thanks for reading. :)
Reader, what are you doing?





User avatar
Gender Female
Points 367
Reviews 165
This was interesting. I liked it. It was almost musical, definitely fitting for "lyric" poetry. I like how, in the third stanza, it seems as though this "elf" is, even though only a memory, bringing out the best in the MC. I have one question though: why isn't she there anymore?
Shakespearian tongue-twister:

To sit in solemn silence
In a dark, dank dock
In a pestilential prison
With a lifelong lock;
Awaiting the sensation
Of a short, sharp shock
Of a cheap, chippy chopper
On a big black block.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 7522
Reviews 229
Hello! I must say ive never reviewed one of your poems before and I am impressed. I do feel that this poem has great potential, for it is clear that your use of language is excellent. The flow was beautiful qnd I was easily able to keep up. HOWEVER, I dont like the whole elf concept. You began this poem with the first stanza so wonderfully: it almost seems like the rest is wasted on someone who looks like an elf. My advice: keep the first stanza, scrap the elf thing, come up with a whole new substantial concept, and make this 100% better. Id be very excited about this poem if you altered it as so. You are a talented writer; keep it up and I hope you get some inspiration for a new concept. Hope this helped!
- Amelia




User avatar
Gender Male
Points 561
Reviews 67
I'm not very good at reviewing poems, but if it's any help, I really really liked it!! Lol. :D

Well Keep Writing!! :)

Sincerely,

--Jalmoc
If you don't take a chance, you'll always live your life in regret, so let your heart show it's true colors and admit your feelings!

Tis not the blade that took your life, but the Assassin behind it.

When Reality has all but fallen away, recreate your own world




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1071
Reviews 26
I quite liked this! I love the whole elfin thing, it's cute. Though it lacks detail and small things like that. Other than that, eveything has been mentioned. :)
-sapphirewednesday<3




User avatar
Gender Male
Points 1374
Reviews 102
I really enjoyed this poem! I don't have much to say but I would like to see a little bit more emotion in this. Other than that it was really, really good! :) I could really see a little elfish creature in my mind :P
"Don't tell me the moon is shining; show me the glint of light on broken glass." ~ Anton Chekhov




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1040
Reviews 3
i think if i laughed
you would be offended
so i will just say
this is a great piece of writing
you make me look at elfs
a whole new way
seriously...
i see them eveywhere now
-CrAzY!



Sometimes even shooting stars find wishes that miss their marks.
— TryHardNinja