Cherry Lane

I was walking and I was whistling and I was quite happy that day
That was before I encountered destiny on Cherry Lane
I saw something in the streets I'd never seen before
So I went to take a look at this tiny red door

It was small and it was mysterious and I couldn't resist it
So I had a peek inside and what I saw was exquisite
There was grass and flowers and mystical creatures
There were things that out-shined any earthly features

And if I were not human I could have dodged my fate
Little did I know there would be no escape
For when I closed the door cool grass turned to fiery hell
All that once was magical was now under a dark spell

I was stuck and I had only me to blame
I shouldn't have closed that door, there on Cherry Lane
But now here I sit in pure solitude, in my tortured misery
Temptation o, temptation why do you do these things to me?

I would shorten the lines so that the poem flows smoother^^ Here's a suggestion

I was walking and I was whistling,
I was quite happy that day
That was before I encountered destiny on Cherry Lane
I saw something in the streets,
That I'd never seen before
So I went to take a look
at this tiny red door

It was small and it was mysterious
and I couldn't resist it
So I had a peek inside and
what I saw was exquisit
There was grass and flowers
and mystical creatures
There were things that out-shined
any earthly features

And if I were not human
I could have dodged my fate
Little did I know;
there would be no escape
For when I closed the door
cool grass turned to fiery hell
All that once was magical
was now under a dark spell

I was stuck and I had only me to blame
I shouldn't have closed that door,
there on Cherry Lane
But now here I sit in pure solitude,
in my tortured misoury
Temptation o, temptation
why do you do these things to me?

Very compelling and it drew me in rather fast. It gives a lesson on being careful against temptations. ^^ Good job and hope I can read more of your work. Good luck and Happy Writing!!!
Soulkana<3

Great job! I didn't seen anything that you could fix other than putting commas and semi-colons and all that chiz that no one actually likes doing Great job! Loved it!

I liked the overall idea of this poem. However, it completely lacks punctuation until the last line. Generally, I prefer punctuation in poetry to be like it would in prose unless there is a very good reason for it.

The line where the lack of punctuation sticks out most is "For when I closed the door cool grass turned to fiery hell". This could use a comma after door so that it flows better.

There were also a couple spelling errors: "exquisit" should be "exquisite" and "misoury" should be "misery".

Overall, I think this was a good poem, but it could benefit from some punctuation and cleaning up.

All I have to say is that I love the way it flows and the story it tells. Though, I believe that you should change the "misoury" to "misery" and exquisit" to "exquisite". Other than that bravo! =)

Thanks everyone, I've made those changes! I love constructive criticism! Keep it coming! Also, if you read this, would you guys check our my two other poems I've posted so far? Thanks!

That's pretty good. Like how it all rhymed and how the door was like temptation, it looked good, but its actually bad.

It was small and it was mysterious
and I couldn't resist it
So I had a peek inside and
what I saw was exquisit
There was grass and flowers
and mystical creatures
There were things that out-shined
any earthly features

I really liked your peice-especially the transformation from happy wonderland to 'fiery hell'. it was very unexpected. Howevery, your writing loses its voice on the last line. is there any way you can rephrase it? it distracts from the rest of th poem which is sad, because it is a wonderful peice of writing.

I love this! Beautiful imagery (with the red door, the grass, plus I imagine cherry blossoms because it's called cherry lane). Also a nice metaphor for temptation. Lovely.

I really love this poem! Perfectly saying "don't give in to temptation." Yet, what do humans do? We continually give in. Anyway, I noticed you didn't really have much punctuation, but other than that is was good!

I love this poem. It has such a nice flow. Your poetry belongs in a best selling book. Im captivated by your poetry. The poem is apsolutley perfect. I cant find any mistakes or anything I would change. Your now one of my favorite writers on here !