I Look in the Mirror

I couldn't really think of a better title, I know it's not a very good one. If you have any suggestions, please! Please, please, please review if you have time. Criticism is definitely welcome. And if you like, please like!


I look in the mirror,
And who do I see?
A pimple faced maniac,
With braces on her teeth.

A self-conscious fatso,
Her hair color is so drab.
Looking at her belly, she frowns,
"I must get rid of this flab!"

Her eyes are the color of steel,
That's all.
Hidden beneath thick glasses,
They shield like a wall.

Her figure is short,
What else is there to say?
No curve, no dent,
Not even a wave.

No guys like her,
It's only happened once,
And he was a nerd, yippee!
The rest go after the pretty blonds.

She doesn't get math,
Science is the same, she doesn't do well.
She daydreams all day.
That, you can tell.

She hates who she is.
She hates who she sees.
She hates how she acts.
She hates herself, me.

Hello there iheartbooks

I think you did a pretty good job on this one although it was a bit cliche. I definitely love the truth that came out of it. I guess we all feel like that most of the time. I have no suggestions because I feel everything is okay; so I'll just comment on some of the stanzas I thought were outstanding

A self-conscious fatso,
Her hair color is so drab.
Looking at her belly, she frowns,
"I must get rid of this flab!"

I thought this stanza was funny, heck I think I said the exact same thing this morning to myself

No guys like her,
It's only happened once,
And he was a nerd, yippee!
The rest go after the pretty blonds.

It's kind of ironic how those who do not fit in are the most shallow.

She hates who she is.
She hates who she sees.
She hates how she acts.
She hates herself, me.

This was my favourite, I liked how it pounces and delivers at the same time.

I have nothing to criticize really,

Good job

The rhyming scheme was okay. The beat was off most of the time and some words didn't rhyme, or only just.

It was an okay poem, but it seemed to have little depth and never acquired more, and if it acquired any, it seemed to be less.

I have no wish to be harsh, but the scheme reminded me of Dr. Seuss...You have a great topic here, and it possesses potential, but you need to work on it more (beat, rhythm) to complete it.

That's another thing, it doesn't sound totally complete.

Question about this review, PM me.

Lavvi

I really like this poem! It is truthful and tells about how alot of people feel but are to prideful to admit... I like the last line of the last stanza the best! I think the title is ok, but if you want to change it, try something like, Mirror Image... I agrre with LavenderBlue though the poem seems like it needs something else to complete it... but the poem has a great theme! Work on it and it will be great!!

Hi there, Heart!

iheartbooks wrote:I look in the mirror,
And who do I see?
A pimple faced maniac,
With braces on her teeth. I like this, the rhyming doesn't feel force and it reminded me of Shel Silverstein's work..

A self-conscious fatso,
Her hair color is so drab. Whoa, whoa. You changed from "Who do I see to "her hair color..." So, you have to choose. Will you use first person or third person?
Looking at her belly, she frowns,
"I must get rid of this flab!" Cute line!

Her eyes are the color of steel,
That's all. I don't like this line. It feels unnecessary, and I know you threw it in just so you could have it rhyme with wall later on.
Hidden beneath thick glasses,
They shield like a wall. Love these two lines.

Her figure is short,
What else is there to say?
No curve, no dent,
Not even a wave. This is really good. I like this stanza.

No guys like her,
It's only happened once,
And he was a nerd, yippee!
The rest go after the pretty blonds. My least favorite stanza. You sort of forgot your rhyme pattern here! >.>

She doesn't get math,
Science is the same, she doesn't do well.
She daydreams all day.
That, you can tell. Nice.

She hates who she is.
She hates who she sees.
She hates how she acts.
She hates herself, me.

Overall:

Other than the corrections above, I think this is a nice, well-written poem. Great work.

-Mizz-

I really liked this, (funny, it fits me almost word for word, but I got my braces off last year) but the rythm wasn't all there. Like:

Like at Her eyes are the color of steel,
That's all.
Hidden beneath thick glasses,
They shield like a wall

I felt the rythm got thrown off with "That's all." But other than that, I really liked it! Good job!

Hola! Lol, I thought this was pretty good I don't really have to say much, I pretty much agree with what everyone else has put up. But I will say that only a few parts got..... to wordy?.... And it kind of through off my reading it at parts. But other than that, quite enjoyable to read =)

I had this happen to me before. I was depressed for a few years of my life because a lot of things were changing. You sound like this must have happened before. But again I love the description! I know some of your words didn't rhyme but it's very hard to create a poem that expresses your feelings while rhyming. But I loved it!

Although you've already stated it, I do believe the title could have been a little more creative.
Your poem is a raw, it speaks the bitter-truth. You depict what so many girls today find when they look in the mirror, and how they react to their reflection.
I see that you tried to rhyme, but stopped and started every once in a while. I know that it can be difficult to continue a rhyming pattern, but stick to it if you can.
"She hates who she is.
She hates who she sees.
She hates how she acts.
She hates herself, me."
Very, very, superbly relatable. WELL SAID !
& I do not hope that this is how you feel about yourself, because it is pessimistic ): If it is, don't trash yourself like this! You are more beautiful than you think.

I love this.
Even though it is sad, it's really nice.
I can defiantly relate to this.
The last line is my favorite (: