Home Games All LiteraryClubs Events Forums Green Room Poetry Prose Roleplays

A phoenix reborn.

spike71294 · 2010-04-17T15:09:54Z

Naked and cold I lay on the ground. Dark, black tears from my eyes roll down. I look into the mirror, A stranger stares. I try to find me, But I am not there. I cry in horror, in agony and disgust. Oh why did I ever give into lust? I go outside into the terrace, I shout and I weep, My life's such a menace. The city lights in front of my eyes, seem like hell fire Inviting me to die. I stretch my arms, And I twirl around. I jump and I dance, to the city's sound. I dance in regret, I am lit with fire. In me burned the sins of desire. I apologise to love, And to my babies unborn. I slept for money, A sin I now scorn. I collapse on the ground, And finally I die. No one cares, And No one cries. But look into the ashes A phoenix arises. With a pure soul I am reborn again!

grimy89098

Gender

Points 1857

Reviews 28

Thu Apr 29, 2010 9:59 am

grimy89098 says... · Thu Apr 29, 2010 9:59 am

I personally liked it, the metaphor of a pheonix reborn was pretty good in my opinion.
Don't take too much offence from Galerius, she has a tendency to be... how to say it... arrogant? towards anything she doesn't seem to understand. Though last time I was active on YWS (which was about a year or more ago) I could of sworn her profile said she was a he and she was 15...
well, anyways, I liked it, but you should probably put some more work into it, perhaps bring out the emotion more?

-Grimy

I have the memory of a goldfish,
The attention span of a squirrel,
But the mind of a WRITER... or a psychopath, one or the other.

Quote

Sometimes poetry is inspired by the conversation entered into by reading other poems.
— John Barton

A phoenix reborn.

About / Info

Forums & RPG

Literary

Resources