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A phoenix reborn.

spike71294 · 2010-04-17T15:09:54Z

Naked and cold I lay on the ground. Dark, black tears from my eyes roll down. I look into the mirror, A stranger stares. I try to find me, But I am not there. I cry in horror, in agony and disgust. Oh why did I ever give into lust? I go outside into the terrace, I shout and I weep, My life's such a menace. The city lights in front of my eyes, seem like hell fire Inviting me to die. I stretch my arms, And I twirl around. I jump and I dance, to the city's sound. I dance in regret, I am lit with fire. In me burned the sins of desire. I apologise to love, And to my babies unborn. I slept for money, A sin I now scorn. I collapse on the ground, And finally I die. No one cares, And No one cries. But look into the ashes A phoenix arises. With a pure soul I am reborn again!

grimy89098

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Points 1857

Reviews 28

Thu Apr 29, 2010 9:59 am

grimy89098 says... · Thu Apr 29, 2010 9:59 am

I personally liked it, the metaphor of a pheonix reborn was pretty good in my opinion.
Don't take too much offence from Galerius, she has a tendency to be... how to say it... arrogant? towards anything she doesn't seem to understand. Though last time I was active on YWS (which was about a year or more ago) I could of sworn her profile said she was a he and she was 15...
well, anyways, I liked it, but you should probably put some more work into it, perhaps bring out the emotion more?

-Grimy

I have the memory of a goldfish,
The attention span of a squirrel,
But the mind of a WRITER... or a psychopath, one or the other.

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Never forget how special this site is: the older I get, the more I realize how many lonely writers there are who have only family and maybe some friends to read their works. The fact we get free critique, nightly writing pads, free contests and unlimited interaction at *no cost* with people genuinely wanting to help, can not be overstated or overrated
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A phoenix reborn.

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