Bring back the Warmth

This is my first poem, but tear it apart

Where did it go?
Why can’t I feel it?
The magic is gone;
That special one.
The one that sends your heart a-pounding,
and stimulates your senses..
That heats your blood,
and thrills your mind.
Where has it gone?
Now it’s cold;
cold as ice.
Biting and stinging
from all around.
Bring back the magic...
the special magic.
Bring back the warmth.


-Rach

ahh rachel i found you! this is so small that there isn't really much to say.
why did this warmth leave? i'd like to see that answered.
whats so great about it?
****how do you feel towards it?**** <-- very important question!
because you didn't seem to convay any emotion other than asking where it is.

sorry i don't have a lot to say.
keep writing.

I kind of agree with silent. While your asking where it went, maybe describe where you've looked for it (in a metaphorical, symbolic sense) and what it meant to you before you lost it.
Besides that, no spelling errors to my knowledge and the rhythm was nice and structured.

iRandomRLN96 wrote:Bring back the magic...

I don't really like this line-- but I just have problems with the word magic used in this ambiguous way. But you can keep it if you wish.
Anyways,
great job, for your first poem, and keep writing (though I know you have been as I've seen your work around)
empress

Hey Rachel!

Now, the problem with this is that it doesn't really give the reader (that's me!) any MEAT. You've got the basics of the poem here, sure; you've got the idea, and you've got a structure, but you don't have much else. There aren't many poetic devices, and when they are they're kind of cliche. For example, 'cold as ice'. Now, that's not exactly original, and there are so many better ways to describe this! Let your imagination run wild, my friend.

Good luck!

~Amy

Hey Rachel, so...I didn't love the poem, but I didn't hate it either. Because it's so short, it doesn't really stand out to me, there's really no poetic examples, like Amy said. Also I think the poem can do without this line, as you already pointed out that the magic is special, and I think it sounds better without it. Good luck, and keep writing!