Love " You and Him "

Love
What’s the meaning of love?
Is it a simple word?
Or does it mean more than that?
I don’t know, do you?
But when I told you
That I love you
You said so do I?
I took it like you gave it
Since then I did drink it
Wanting more and more
I’ve tasted it
Enjoying more and more
It was the air I needed
The light of my life
A way to escape
The eager of time.
Then you left me
I’m broken hearted
Trying to close
What had been opened
What had been damaged.
How do I do now
Without any of this?
How do I do now
With Myself and I?
I cried, but I realized
The only who worth
My desperate tears
Would never make me cry.
So I moved on
And waited for Him.
Wishing he would be,
My bestest Baby
Making me happy
Leaving happily
The sweetest ever
and selfless lover.

That was beautiful. The stanza at the end came as a bit of a shock, but in a good way.

slandie wrote:The eager of time.

possibly eagerness? Because this sentence is not correct as it stands.
Besides that, great job.

slandie wrote:The only who worth

The only who? This makes me think of the Dr. Seuss characters. I think you were trying to find a shorter word for person, try one. Or else this is a typo.

slandie wrote:How do I do now
Without any of this?
How do I do now
With Myself and I?

This was also confusing. I see what you're trying to say, but could you say it differently? XD
Besides those little things, you have the beginnings of a great piece. Great job and keep writing,
Empress

Hi slandie! Welcome to YWS!

I like the musings of love in the beginning. But... well... there are a lot of "me" "I" "my" in this poem. A lot.

Love
What’s the meaning of love?
Is it a simple word?
Or does it mean more than that?
I don’t know, do you?
But when I told you
That I love you
You said so do I?
I took it like you gave it
Since then I did drink it
Wanting more and more
I’ve tasted it
Enjoying more and more
It was the air I needed
The light of my life
A way to escape
The eager of time.
Then you left me
I’m broken hearted
Trying to close
What had been opened
What had been damaged.
How do I do now
Without any of this?
How do I do now
With Myself and I?
I cried, but I realized
The only who worth
My desperate tears
Would never make me cry.
So I moved on
And waited for Him.
Wishing he would be,
My bestest Baby
Making me happy
Leaving happily
The sweetest ever
and selfless lover.

See what I mean? The poem is all about me, me, me. Even where there isn't an "I" "me" or "my", the descriptions all relate to the narrator and not at all to the narrator's lover. And this makes the last line seem more ironic because the narrator is talking about wanting the selfless lover, yet the narrator seems unwilling to put out the same sort of selflessness. Not a good sign in a relationship!

Anyway, hope that helps!

Hey Snoink,

That's a part of the poem.....I was trying to show how some of us are selfish in a relationship,As you can she only thinks about herself that's why she wants a << Selfless lover >> A relationship where she wants to be the center of attention .

Anyway Thanks .

Slandie.

Haha! Nice use of irony then. Sometimes on YWS, people will make these poems and seriously make them like this and expect us readers to think they're the bestest characters in the world -- so annoying!

To make this have an even ironic effect, plus add to the humor, go all out with the descriptions and exaggerate it even more. Cite instances where her old lover is being "selfish" (when clearly, he's not being selfish at all) and just make it really interesting. It'll be more awesome and funny, trust me.