Sunday Solitude

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Crash into me and we'll hurry in a flight.
Together we will travel faster than the speed of light.
Transcending the boundaries of time and space,
As we end up in our own special place.

The velvet sky carpeted with stars,
And the lonesome moon with its unbearable scar,
Will be the witness for our undying love.
Come to me my love, and take all that I have.

Hiding from the intriguing eyes of the world,
Running from the judgmental edge of the sword.
No they can never take the fire out of us,
Instead making sure that this flame will last.

So seek inside my heart and see what's in store for you,
A love with many facets that had always been true.
Climb into my shoulders as we wait for the sunrise,
I'll kiss you in the morning light, my beloved prize.
Last edited by melunderscore on Wed Nov 11, 2009 6:11 am, edited 1 time in total.




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Hi! I'm Mia, welcome to YWS!

First off, I really liked this poem. There were a coyple of litttle nit-picks I spotted, however, and here they are!

melunderscore wrote:As we end up to our own special place.


Should this be
We end up in our own special place
?

And the lonesome moon with it's unbearable scar,

It's should be its


Will be the witness for our undying love.
Come to me my love, and take all that I have.


OK. From here on in, I started having problems with the rhyme scheme (or not rhyme-scheme) Rhyming "love" with "have"?

Apart from that, however, great job!

Keep writing!
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Previously known as Pgsgirl7




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hi..yah i missed those things..thank you for the time.. :D




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Hi.
I liked your poem. I think that your poem isn't about a loved one as it first seemed, more of a object...or himself? That the 'prize' is on his shoulder?

You spelled know liked no but, apart from that, it was good!

Thankyou so much for the read, it was enlightening,
Woozey
If you start with a bang, you won't end with a whimper.
- T.S. Eliot



No man or woman who tries to pursue an ideal in his or her own way is without enemies.
— Daisy Bates