Toy Story

(Another one of my fifty-second poems )

Toy Story

I’m that old toy story,
You’ve heard of me before;
Read me in books, seen me in movies,
Perhaps you’ve heard my tale orally?

I’m a remains of character,
Because I was once wanted;
Played out as your hero,
And adventured with you side-by-side.

I'm what was once attached to those strings.
I once was what you saw me as,
I took whatever role you gave me
So I could see you smile.

I'm the abandoned,
ripped up doll;
The broken remains of a toy
with an antique tear tattoed on my face.

I'm the wounded soul
Because you took me as a mere plaything
And forgot to patch me back up,
To put your heartfelt band-aids on my scars.

I’m the one with the shattered heart,
Because you used to love me.
But now I’m forgotten,
And left under your bed.

I’m that old toy story,
Because it’ll happen again.
I’ll find a new owner
Who will replace you instead.

Hi there! I actually liked this poem. It was simple, but straight to the point, and had a whimsical feeling. What's more, I'm glad that it was a from the perspective of a toy.

angels-symphony wrote:
I’m that old toy story,
You’ve heard of me before;
Read me in books, seen me in movies,
Perhaps you’ve heard my tale orally?

I’m that old toy story,
The abandoned, ripped up doll;
The broken remains of a toy
With a shattered heart.

I’m that old toy story,
Because you took me as a mere plaything
And you forgot to patch me back up,
To put your heart-felt band-aids on my wounds. "Heart-felt" should be "heartfelt."

The 2nd and 3rd stanzas are not really necessary. This should be stated later in the poem. (Go in order )

I’m that old toy story,
Because I was once wanted, "Wanted" doesn't sound fitting here. I'd put something such as "liked."
Played out as a your hero, There should be no "a" here
And adventured with you side-by-side.

I’m that old toy story,
I once was what you saw me as,
I took whatever role you gave me
So I could see you smile. For some reason, I liked these lines.

I’m that old toy story,
Because you used to love me.
But now I’m forgotten,
And left under your bed.

I’m that old toy story,
Because it’ll happen again.
I’ll find a new owner
Who will replace you instead.

Other than that, another thing that I didn't like about the poem was the repetition of the line "I'm that old toy story." You can use it in the 1st and last stanza, but refrain from putting it in every stanza. It'll just bore the reader.

Anyway, it was a nice read. Just some revision and it'll be better!
Keep writing!

Hey Shina.

Well, this poem meant two things to me. First, did you read any Enid Blyton books when you were younger? She has a lot of stories about toys and how they feel whenever their owner grows tired of them. There's a whole bunch of stories about their adventures into finding a new owner that would love them. This alone I find an interesting topic; giving feelings to inanimate characters that have given us joy while we were younger. To these characters that kept us safe during night time when we were scared that maybe there were monsters under our bed, eh? You've got a great, great concept here but you falter quite a lot with regards to rhythm.

Now the second thing I interpreted this as is a cliche cheating love story.XD At least that is precisely what popped into my head when I read the very last line of this poem. One of them loves, the other one cheats, the one that loves will find another who won't throw her away like some used doll.

Anyway, er... those are just what I got from this poem. It really is good and it made me think a lot about how we take so many things for granted in our lives.

Keep writing.

--Knightly

Thanks for the reviews ^^