Young Writers Society

but i was high on air.

my mind had slackened and i could do no more
than watch the clock.
and i saw your face in colour,
behind the dartlike, red, digital numbers.
i told myself you weren't there,
i was lying to myself and it was no good,
my sanity would only sink.

i turned around and you were there.
you smiled once
twice
thrice,
and three tears whistled down my cheek.
we walked from my dark house and
i could sense my brain swelling,
splitting, and spilling into a rash.

but i was as cold as a vault.
you, i, the thunder in the sky - it was all an
icy plate of numbness.

i'm sorry for all the suffocating stilted conversations,
for the rusted annoyance which crawled under your skin,
for the insecure questions that i made you answer.

again i lie and watch your face behind the clock.
written: Thursday 23rd December 2004, 10:11pm.

I especially liked the first line. I love how it started and it sounded like it was not the begining of something. Er, I'm not explaining it very well, but I like that part.

behind the dartlike, red, digital numbers.

I think maybe there's too many descriptors of the numbers. I don't know why but it bugs me for some reason. Maybe it's just me. Or maybe if you just left the commas out.

I also loved how you said "tears whistled down my cheek".

And I loved the last line. It's a great ending. Overall it's a really beautiful poem.

but i was high on air.

I'm always like that
I really loved it, daisy is right it was a very beautiful poem...