Incident at the Dance

You
Move slowly
Through the dancers
Sit down
And watch
I
Watch you
New song
Stand up
Move slowly
Toward you
Trembling
Smile brightly
"Want to dance?"
You
Smile nervously
"Okay"
Stand up hesitantly
Look questioningly
At me
I
Fidget anxiously
Smile sheepishly
Shrug my shoulders
"Uh . . .
I really don't know
How to dance
To this song . . ."
Stutter
Stammer
Look down
At my sandals
You
Look embarassed
Confused
Uncertain
I
Don't know
What to say
What to do
We
Drift apart
Slowly
Hesitating
Go back
To our friends
Our only chance
Gone forever.

Hiya! Now I just want to make this point before I begin: for almost as long as I can remember doing poetry in school, I can remember loathing it. Poetry and I have never got on, never been friends, never really made any kind of connection.
However, I loved this piece! It's different (and so refreshing after having to analyse 'traditional' poetry). It's realistic, and I think most young people can relate to the situation you describe. I especially liked the way in some lines it was rhythmic with similar numbers of syllables in the lines, but there are those lines which are just "I" or "You". That use of caesura (in a sense) is very effective and I could just read it again and again. I think the phrase "perfectly encapsulates" could be used here!
And I apologise if it is terribly obvious I don't know much about poetry, but once in a while a poem comes along where I go "Aah. That was lovely." And yours is now on that list.
Thanks so much! It made me smile.

aah, just like your last poem (that I just finished reviewing) you did not disappoint me

This one was beautiful also.

Unlike the last one however, you have no correct grammar (cap. + punct.) I know I'm always harping on this, but it's true! No one can take your work seriously if it is full of mistakes. (not that I can't take your work seriously, I love it!)

Here, you have used nothing at all and capitalized every line, but it actually works on this poem! I like the format and everything, so just ignore that little rant above heehee You used words so well to paint a picture, and I like that about your poetry. It never lets me down

Yeah, I don't know if you can call that a review, but whatever. Everyone needs to know when their work is beautiful, right?

-ash

i love all your poems they r sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo good!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and yeah i am hyper right now lol

I like it, but it is just to choppy for me. I like to be able to read, and for it to flow more.

I haven't read any of your other work, but this was really very good. The slight choppiness of the poem gave it the awkwardness it needed to correspond to the situation it was describing. I would have changed stanzas every time you said I or You, so it would give to two characters space and a little difference. Otherwise, this was an amazing piece and I could totally relate to the situation at hand. Great job and keep writing! I really look forward to reading more of your work!