His Poem

this is a poem dedicated to a recent crush of mine, after i wrote it i was able to understand more of how i felt.


I see your face now
clearer than I did before
I see your smile
your pretty, heart-melting smile
you are beautiful, did you know that?
and even more you had an impact on me
from the start

I hear your voice now
louder than I did before
and your laugh rings in my ear
your giddy, sneaky but high pitched laugh
you were cool, did you know that?
so cool that I was drawn
kinda right from the start

I see your body now
closer than I did before
your six foot something self
that was too irresistible
I liked you did you know that
more than I liked myself
this one almost from the start

I see you look at her now
more deeply than before
I see you blush
and you look as handsome as ever
you didn't like me did you know that
at least not the way you liked her
I kinda did not know that, right from the start

I smell you know
as I always did before
you smell good
my world revolved around you did you know that
but I was stuck in the friend zone
I hated this fact from the very start

I'm reading your email now
with love as I always did before
you sent it first this time
so I am sort of thrilled
I'm not moving on did you know that
until I have you I wont
I knew this right from the start.

Wow, that poem is so perfect for me. I had a crush that I was friends with for a long time, but I knew he liked someone else, but I still didn't get over him. And I still havn't gotten over him.
To the poem, I like it how you didn't do much punctuation until the last period. It's like saying, here's my life, and that period over there is the end of it.
you're beautiful did you know that?- I'd take out the question mark
you were cool, did you know that?- same thing, and also take out the comma. Or, add a comma to the other sentence as well
your pretty, heart-melting smile- take out the comma, it'll flow better
In total, the poem is very sweet and flows nicely. It's very relatable to many people, like me.
Thanks,
Winie

kemunto omare wrote:this is a poem dedicated to a recent crush of mine, after i wrote it i was able to understand more of how i felt.


I see your face now(,)
clearer than I did before(.)
I see your smile(:)
your pretty, heart-melting smile(.)
you are beautiful, did you know that?
and even more(,) you had an impact on me
from the start(.)

I like this stanza, however, it lacks depth and detail. why do you see him clearer? how did you used to see him? how did he have an impact on you? also, you said he was beautiful, but that hardly gives any detail. you need to use your words to paint a picture in the readers mind. what makes him beautiful?

I hear your voice now(,)
louder than I did before(,)
and your laugh rings in my ear(:)
your giddy, sneaky but high pitched laugh(.)
you were cool, did you know that?
so cool that I was drawn
kinda right from the start(.)

again, lacking detail. what happened that you can hear him louder? what was he trying to tell you? also, something that confused me: how is his laugh sneaky?? And "cool", perhaps something else would fit better, it might sound better too. Cool is very vague. You changed tenses, too- need to stick to one. And I would take out the "kinda". but that's just me

I see your body now(,)
closer than I did before(.)
your six foot something self
that was too irresistible(.)
I liked you(,) did you know that(?)
more than I liked myself(-)
this one almost from the start(.)

how about on the first line, instead of "body" put something such as "a whole" or something. body just sounds too blunt. also, how is he irresistible to you in particular? Fifth line: Do you not still like him? the last line also confused me-what is it talking about?

I see you look at her now
more deeply than before(.)
I see you blush(,)
and you look as handsome as ever(.)
you didn't like me(.) did you know that(?)
at least not the way you liked her(.)
I kinda did not know that, right from the start(.)

I really liked this one but again, I would take out the kinda


I smell you know(,)
as I always did before(;)
you smell good
my world revolved around you(-) did you know that(?)
but I was stuck in the friend zone(:)
I hated this fact from the very start(.)

The third line is kind of random and looks like you just stuck it in there at the last minute.


I'm reading your email now
with love as I always did before(.)
you sent it first this time
so I am sort of thrilled(.)
I'm not moving on(-) did you know that(?)
until I have you(:) I wont
I knew this right from the start.

I like this one as well. Though "email" would sound better as something like "letter" or something. It gives your love a more timeless feeling to it. And I like your ending good job

I think this poem is a little bit too long. You don't have to include every single one of your senses, it kind of makes your poem drag on, and the reader become tired. But that's just a thought

On another note, this poem has great potential, and I liked it Nice change from all the dark stuff I've been reading lately haha keep writing!

XoXo~AsH

This poem is very good, it has a sort of wistful but resigned mood. Trust me, I have crushed seriously on so many guys it's hard to count them all. I've written poems for almost all of them, but this is probably better than mine. Your capitalization and punctuation (there are those two long words again; I always seem to use them) need some work, however. The words seem maybe a little too casual, which can be a tad confusing. On the screen it looks slightly like an email or text message. You might not want to use the word "kinda" quite so much. Overall, though, the emotion is good, and the poem actually made me a little sad. Keep up the good work!
P.S. Are you really from Kenya?! Add me as a friend!