Great job! I truly enjoyed your poem(though I didn't completely understand it) You seem to be a very emotional writer. What i mean by that is you make me feel your emotions. I think you could work on . . . well i don"t see anything you need to work on. Again, good job!
Some people blame our generation, but have they stopped to think, who RAISED us?
-photo bucket quote
this poem hits pretty close to home with most people. it's graphic, and touching, and purely painful and emotional.
the only real complaint i have is the last stanza, it seems like it's a little confusing to me. i also do not like the phrase "heart-breaking tears". it sounds like you made a word up because you couldn't find a better one.
i would suggest "crushing" or maybe "heartfelt" or "shattering".
shattering/shattered/crushing/heartfelt tears sounds much more intense, and painful than heart-breaking.
i like it!
Kisba
(-it hurts to see the ones you love with the ones they love more-)
Aww, sad. Still, I have to review honestly. Negatives: I think the repetition of some of the lines took something away. I was also confused by the last part, when you talk about a son? I thought a father was losing his daughter, but now...? I'm...confused... Positives: Emotional piece that definately made me sad. And the whole point of poetry is to make people feel something, isn't it? Gotta give you props there. In general, this was a good piece that could continue to be perfected. Keep writing.
Reading is one form of escape. Running for your life is another. ~Lemony Snicket
