Young Writers Society

You promised me a song
The saddest song you could play
Piano man
Help me forget
With your mournful keys
Play me the Moonlight Sonata, please
Play it with your hands and play it with your soul
Please don’t stop Piano man
It’ll wake up joy I kept inside of me
The love I hold for you
Play so softly that I can hear my heart
And feel my breath slow down
Until I begin to sleep quietly
Never to wake again
Continue to play Piano man
Continue to play my moving melody
Play until you know how much you miss me

Hmm...I didn't really like this, so BANG BANG BANG. Is that what you meant by "please kill it" (no you stupid idiot that's NOT what she meant. it was a figure of speech!)(WEll, soooo---rry!) okay...kill...lemme think. I guess it jus wasn't my type of poem. I really like blood and guts in poems (and writing) And i didn't understand this. It didn't feel like it had strong emotion, it was too...elusive, if you know what I mean. Like you didn't really know what you were talking about you were writing just to write, if you understand what I mean. Sorry if that is too harsh. I still love your writing in general! Just not this specific piece

Indeed you did kill it.
RIP Whatever this was.

No that's not what I meant. It's a GOOD poem, it's just not my style. *Revivies poem* There. I brought it back.

I dunno. I liked it, especially the repetition. I don't really know why I liked the repetition either, because I normally don't but, ah, oh well. It reminded me of something personal...

I really liked this actually. At first, it was kind of... I dunno... awkward, I would say, just a different style. But your last few lines were awesome! Great Job! Keep writing...

I also liked the repeatition. It didn't feel obvious, and I hardly noticed it was there. But I do also agree that it didn't seem like you had a strong emotional connection to what you were writing about.

Apparently i have an entrancing repitition. I guess I'll try and put more emotion into it, but can you tell me how please?

I like it.

Mmm... I loved it.

The idea itself seems rather contrived, but you carried it out beautifully. The whole thing gives me a feeling of longing, begging. It leaves me wanting more.

Play so softly that I can hear my heart
And feel my breath slow down
Until I begin to sleep quietly

I think this was my favourite part. The image of notes drifting across a room to a sleeping girl, her breathing soft and even, and sinking into her very skin... wow. That's so beautiful.

Great job, Liz.

HI HO ALRIGHT I'M GOOD! hmm. I don't know why buyt somehow I am wanting to see hte Phantom of the Opera... (O_O)

That was very nice. It sounds like something you would say about someone who died...and that makes it very powerful in my opinion.

Is this poem about TYWC Piano Man?

No not at all.. i didn't even know there was a dude named Piano man... then again i haven't been to that site since the vacation....

Lovely. I think it should go deeper, somehow...because...my vision of it was definitely influenced and thus slightly changed by the similarities to Mr. Tambourine Man.