More Than Just Violence ( small portion of it)

The whole poem was themed "violence", so the title of the whole poem was called "More than Just Violence". But I only felt one piece actually seemed pretty decent and actually might have potential. I scooped this one out of my drawers, I haven't seen it in a while xD

Love is a delicate object,
that makes the world feel right.
It also causes emotions,
we all must go through and fight.

Some people take a break up
like the end of the world.
They lay in their beds,
wrapped up in a curl.
They harm other people,
or commit suicide.
They choose death
to put life aside.

They think it helps
the ones they love,
but a terrible act
won't bring them above.


They don't know that
their family's hearts are breaking,
and that their friends' chests are aching.
They tried to make the pain go away,
but after what they did
it will have to stay.

angels-symphony wrote:The whole poem was themed "violence", so the title of the whole poem was called "More than Just Violence". But I only felt one piece actually seemed pretty decent and actually might have potential. I scooped this one out of my drawers, I haven't seen it in a while xD

Love is a delicate object,
that makes the world feel right. Love this stanza!! Perfect opening!!
It also causes emotions,
we all must go through and fight.

Some people take a break up
like the end of the world.
They lay in their beds,
wrapped up in a curl. Eh....What does that mean??
They harm other people,
or commit suicide.
They choose death These two lines are a bit confusing. Isn't death the only way to put life aside??
to put life aside.

They think it helps
the ones they love,
but a terrible act
won't bring them above.


They don't know that
their family's hearts are breaking,
and that their friends' chests are aching.
They tried to make the pain go away,
but after what they did
it will have to stay.

Perhaps "It will be there to stay" or something would sound better.



This was such a great poem!! It really got your point across, and it has an amazing message!
This is sort of like an argument with all the emo-cutting-suicide poems! It's great! LOL Well, that's about it Sorry, that was hardly a review!

well, on to the next one
til then..

XoXo~AsH