Paper Faces

My face is a mask,
for the world to see.
Caught up in secrets,
that one cannot know.
Giving false hope,
lies continue to grow.
And we grasp for a rope,
to escape this black pit,
that we've created,
but the path stays unlit.
Growing, changing,
this black despair,
leaves you smothered and crushed,
gasping for air.
The masks grow too heavy,
and begin to slip.
The masks grow too heavy,
and begin to fall.
Till all of our faces,
laid bare for all.

Masks are always a bit heavy to carry, don't you think? I'm familliar with this feeling, when too much is lying on you, too much lies, too much false hope. However, despair, sometimes, can turn into a good thing as well.

Great poem, truly. Though in my opinion there is a bit lack of rhythm in first four lines, but on the whole, great poem. And what's most important, it's kind of obvious what are the emotions in the poem (for me at least). Great work.


Aust.

Yes, I'm actually writing a review! It's not much, though.

My face is a mask,
for the world to see.

Caught up in secrets,
that one cannot know.
Giving false hope,
lies continue to grow.

And we grasp for a rope,
to escape this black pit,
that we've created,
but the path stays unlit.

Growing, changing,
this black despair,
leaves you smothered and crushed,
gasping for air.

The masks grow too heavy,
and begin to slip.
The masks grow too heavy,
and begin to fall.
Till all of our faces,
[s]laid[/s] lay bare for all.

I just split it into stanzas. I personally think it's just easier to read this way.
Really, I love the poem as is. I think the first line should be isolated simply because it doesn't follow the same scheme as the remainder of the poem (excluding the last verse, obviously). The repetition in the last stanza was especially powerful. At first I thought that using masks to symbolize our lies and the acts we put on would be cliche, but you executed it brilliantly.
Sorry for another lame review. I'm a bit rusty... and I like your poetry too much!


*anti-pop

Hey there! June here!

Okay, this poem was good. I liked it alot; but the genre is off. Sadly, this isn't lyric poetry. Most often, Lyric poetry rhymes and can be sung as a song. This is more like Narrative poetry, dear. Now! Onto the critique.

I liked it alot! You did a great job here. I only had a problem with the punctuation. I'm going to put mark in bold how I think it should be:

God wrote:My face is a mask,
for the world to see;
Caught up in secrets,
that one cannot know.
Giving false hope,
lies continue to grow.
[s]And[/s] we grasp for a rope,
to escape this black pit[s],[/s]
that we've created,
but the path stays unlit.
Growing, changing,
this black despair[s],[/s]
leaves you smothered and crushed,
gasping for air.
The masks grow too heavy,
and begin to slip.
The masks grow too heavy,
and begin to fall.
Till all of our faces,
laid bare for all.

Notice, I struck out "And" there. Beginning a line with "And" is not an incredible thing to do. Ever. It just doesn't fit. It sticks out, it's awkward and it's unnecessary.

I'm not so wild about your repetition of "The masks grow too heavy," it doesn't fit well. The rest of the poem is written in fresh lines-- and then you give us repetition. Tsk.

This really belongs in other poetry; it has a weak structure, and can be considered Free-form poetry; lyric poetry is more strict on form.


On the whole, it was a good poem. I love the description of the masks. You did well. Great job.

Keep it up!

June

Hey there!

I quite liked this poem and am glad to see that you didn't stress a rhyming scheme, you just let the words flow and this is really beautiful. As June said, I think this belongs in Other Poetry because even though this flows well it doesn't fit the standards of a structured lyrical poem.

Till all of our faces,
laid bare for all.

This was the only nit-pick I had. The last few lines are supposed to come strong and have this certain quality that makes the reader say "Wow, that was a great way to end a poem" Lots of people may not say that but you understand. I just think another line would go nice between them.

Other than that, I liked this and it really was written well.

*gold star*

Feel free to PM me if you have more poetry you'd like me to critique.

Ta,

~Angel

My face is a mask,
for the world to see. (I like this part ^^ Saying the world only sees your mask rather than your true self)
Caught up in secrets,
that one cannot know.
Giving false hope,
lies continue to grow.
And we grasp for a rope,
to escape this black pit,
that we've created,
but the path stays unlit.
Growing, changing,
this black despair,
leaves you smothered and crushed,
gasping for air.
The masks grow too heavy,
and begin to slip.
The masks grow too heavy,
and begin to fall.
Till all of our faces,
laid bare for all.

I must say that I really did enjoy this poem, especially the meaning behind it. This poem was really a "waker-upper". I believe the wroter is saying that they are hiding their true selves because of a certain darkness (pit) that they have created. But somehow in the end the burden becomes too heavy, and eventually reveals your true self. This topic is really something hard to describe and put into words, but I think you've done it quite well without people being confused. (well, intelligent people xD People with narrow minds couldn't understand this to any extent)