Heartbeat

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Points 1122
Reviews 150
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Last edited by 200397 on Thu Feb 04, 2010 3:36 am, edited 1 time in total.




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Gender Male
Points 890
Reviews 112
The descriptions went very nicely with the theme. It was short, but I can tell that a lot of personal memory and feeling went into it.

The "thumpthumpthumpthump" made it somewhat humorous. I think this is a poem anyone can read and smile at.

And anyone who doesn't smile at it is a heartless monster!

Just kidding.

Good job, anyways!
Am I a one eyed hunter of unicorns or a hunter of one eyed unicorns? The world may never know.




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I enjoyed the overall flow of the poem, and the imagery and themes were well integrated.

200397 wrote:In the color red there is
passion, there is love.
In red there is a
heartbeat.


Repetition was used nicely (in reference to "there" in the quoted stanza), but I was really hoping for some forms of rhyming in the poem. Even ambiguous use of assonance would have made it sound a bit more complex and lyrical.

Though, it was good regardless. :P




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Reviews 76
I really liked it, it was so different from the normal things where "red = blood and red = hate blah blah blah"
I think you described the colour red in a totaly differnt way from that
which i like becuase different is always so much more exciting :D
keep writing cant wait to read more!
:D
SOME WISE WORDS xxx
You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder
All true wisdom is found on T-shirts



sometimes i don't consider myself a poet but then i remember that i literally write poetry
— chikara