Young Writers Society

it's formated differently on my comp, sry if it's confusing this way.

CL

------------------------------

This is a Business

Dirty clothes are littered on
The bathroom floor
The water red is flowing
And pooling in the kitchen
Alcohol drenched wasteland is
Your breath
And I try to think of you
Any other way
And I’m not sure I can

(but I’m here)

(and you’re heavy)

with primordial nuances
wet clothes suck at your skin loverlike
(you didn’t even take them off
before your delve into the soddenlies
(the bottom of the tub

but you’d never say you had
a problem
cause then it would only make it real

Your dirty clothes are off
The bathroom floor
I’ve scrubbed clean
The water is stopped
But bottles of gin and pixie dust
Are pilled in the sink
The remnants that once littered
Your breath are tainted red
And I try to think of you
Any other way
And I’m not sure I can


but you never had
a problem
cause saying so only makes it real

This is just as good as all the others, but just one thing.

If you copy and past something from a word processor, then you can press the "pre" button at the top of the screen to make the formatting the same as it was in the processor. It might just do indentations, but I've never used it before, so I don't know.

The structure is a bit weird just in that the way you arrange words is somewhat confusing; that is, I tend not to like it when writers use Yoda-speak, which means that they place their adjectives right after the word that it describes.

But, I also liked this poem a lot. You have powerful visual imagery and some interesting lines, such as the last three. Well done overall.