But You Can't See In

Crituque what you can....poems are hard to critique, but easy to enjoy. any feedback wanted. needed.

But You Can't See In

White galaxies float to your face,
their wings dissolve into the air.

The ground moves beneath you,
while you watch smoke turn red in the sky.

Stars of ember burn your eyes,
when they fall to the ground.

The ground itself becomes a waterfall,
and you fall into the middle of the world
Suspended
Unmoving

Until the fire burns through your heart,
and you realize why you are alive.

I read poems becuase they can be beautiful in a way that prose cannot. They sort of capture a feeling and then set it free in words. If that makes sense. Which it doesn't. Never mind. Don't pay any attention to my strange rambling.

Your poem is lovely. It reminds me of the picture of Earth (you know the one) for some reason - sort of distant and there at the same time. Oh dear, this critique makes absolutely no sense. hmm...

Well it was good and I liked it.
Keep writing (and try to write more coherently than I do!)
Bkwrm

Wow, this is interesting. I don't see any spelling or grammar mistakes, so cross that out. This is nice. At first you don't understand what this is abut, but the end clears it up. I picked "Other" on the poll. I read poems, because I enjoy them, and also I like to critique them. Also, I don't crit them for the points or the count, I crit them to help the author. I usually Critique better than this one, but I didn't have as much to work with and there aren't really any mistakes that I can see.


~Fire

First: I love the descriptions here, they are very interesting.

Second: I read poetry because I enjoy it, and because I want to learn more and more about it. I love writing poetry, and my own poetry has improved greatly since coming on this site.

Very discriptive. I have said this before, you probably realize. Your poems confuse me at the beginning and that's what I love about them! They are really good!

Good Job!

Zalex

Callie, that was wonderful. Your talent makes me jealous. -_-
As for the poll, I picked other. I definitely agree with what bkwrm said about the beauty of poems. Plus, the more you read it, the better you write it.

I read poetry because I write poetry, and I write poetry because I read it. Basically poetry itself is like a whole separate emotion, and it's nice sometimes to find a poem that understands you. It can be like a friend. If any of that makes sense, let me know.... *sheepish grin*

Critique: Great use of language! You seem to know what you're doing. It was a little ambiguous I'll admit, but I think it came through in the last couple lines. Very nicely executed, keep it up

A bit too unstructured, it went for the 'deep' approach, but came off a little sidetracked and too long to keep the initial awe when you break the form and go to the last four lines. Interesting that it had no set direction or mood, and came off so well. Kudos on that.

I read poems because I like peoples' perspectives.

I like the depth and imagry in this poem. I can imgane what happens in my brain. One of my favorates.

Very unexpected. This was delicious, like a feel-good indie movie in a very random week when you are struggling with the meaning of life in etc. etc.

I like this. It's a little too kitsch, melodramatic almost--like the repetition of burn in the third and last stanzas.

Add more punctuation. For ex., "Suspended
Unmoving" should be

"Suspended,
Unmoving,"

Good job, though, overall.

That is a very interesting peice. Ilike it.+.+
-em

This is a good piece of work! When I first viewed it, it caught my interest straighaway. And that's what a good poem needs!

Keep up the good work!

I read poems to be enlightened. I read them to see what might other people feel.

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I liked your poem. I like the way you interpreted it in words. The poem's very interesting.