He love's her

HE LOVES HER
Every line on her face,
outlined with fine texture.
Every line a sign of her life,
fulled with happiness and yet she's sad.
Her tall curved body is turning, as if trying to leave a life she once knew,
a life fulled with secrets?
He moves to her side.
He loves her.
As she stands there with slender fingers flowing through her hair; that's rich and pure with Grey beauty.
He reaches up a hand, moving to her front and suddenly pulls away.
Her eyes are sad as she glazes at him.
To much tears falling upon her cheeks, they seem to not go away.
He Loves her,
this imperfect human statue.

Interesting piece! I love anything that compares humans with statues. It's cool to me. ^^

Anyway! On with the comments.

HE LOVES HER <-- Put a space in between this...

Every line on her face,
outlined with fine texture. <-- Instead of saying "fine texture" I would describe the texture itself. As this is a statue, maybe something smooth and soft? I don't know, you have to figure it out. ^_^

Every line a sign of her life, <-- This might confuse the reader when he comes to the ending, because statues are definitely not alive. Maybe you can write something like, "Every line hinting of life" or something not as cheesy as that.

fulled with happiness and yet she's sad. <-- it should be "filled,"

Her tall curved body is turning, as if trying to leave a life she once knew, <-- I would say, "Her tall curved body turning, to leave a life behind" or something not as lame as that.

a life fulled with secret's? <-- Should be "secrets" without the apostrophe.

He move's to her side. <-- Should be "moves" without the apostrophe.

He love's her. <-- Should be "loves" without the apostrophe.

As she stands there with slender fingers flowing through her hair; that's rich and pure with grey beauty. <-- This line seems too long.
He reaches's up a hand, moving to her front and suddenly pulls away. <-- Should be "reaches" without the apostrophe and extra s.

Her eyes are sad as she glazes at him. <-- Glazes at him?

To much tears falling upon her cheeks, they seem to not go away. <-- Should be "Too" instead of "two" and the second part of the line seems a little clumsy.

He love's her, <-- Should be "loves" without the apostrophe.

this imperfect human statue. <-- Nice ending!

Hope that helps!

Well, Snoink, I think you found most problems apart from

a life fulled with secrets should it be a life filled with secrets?

Anyway, otherwise I loved it, especially the last line!

~SishBee~
x

don't mean to bring you down. But, you should know you shouldn't post more than one lyric, dramtic poetry in a day. Now, if your in a storybook it's okay. But please only write one piece in a day.

Now, for the poem- change the first stanze HE LOVES HER is makes me feel like I'm getting yelled at and I don't like that feeling. Change it to- He Loves Her. That would be so much better. As for the rest of the poem. It was ok. I do wish you would use a little more mediphores, it just brings the poem into visual contact and that's what readers love! I think you could make this post a little longer so don't mind me saying though.

I hope you don't find this too harsh but I'm only trying to help. If you need any help or questions go ahead and PM me or one of the top masters which would be Suzanne or Via. Because their both good a poetry.

-Max

Hello, welcome to YWS!

The first thing that I noticed was your title. Take out the apostrophe before the s. It should just be He loves her.

HE LOVES HER
Every line on her face,
outlined with fine texture.
Every line a sign of her life,
fulled with happiness and yet she's sad.

**I agree that the all caps in He loves her does absolutely nothing but take away from the rest of the poem. "Fulled" should be "filled". The words happiness and sad are a little bland, it seems like this stanza should mean more.

Her tall curved body is turning, as if trying to leave a life she once knew,
a life fulled with secrets?
He moves to her side.
He loves her.

**"Fulled" should be "filled" again. I think you can find a better description for her body, it didn't seem like it really had a place there. I liked the metaphor of it turning though. The repeat of He loves her...I don't know, it just doesn't seem like it means much anymore when just said bluntly. That's just me. It would sound a lot better if you said it...without really saying it, you know?

As she stands there with slender fingers flowing through her hair; that's rich and pure with Grey beauty.
He reaches up a hand, moving to her front and suddenly pulls away.
Her eyes are sad as she glazes at him.

**You used the word sad again except it's better here. More reason for you to take it out of the line above. I don't really understand what you're talking about in the first line. Is it her fingers through her hair or his fingers? And why does it matter that it's grey...and why is grey capitalized? I think that you meant gazes at him instead of glazes.

To much tears falling upon her cheeks, they seem to not go away.
He Loves her,
this imperfect human statue.

**"To much tears" should really be "Too many tears". "They seem to not go away" was hard to read at first, maybe change it to "They seem to fall forever." or something along those lines. I like the repetition of He loves her here but I think that's the only place. "this imperfect human statue." Was my favorite line. You said a lot in just a few words there. Altogether the poem would do a lot better if you looked it over and changed up a couple of words, added more figurative language and imagery.

PM me if you have any questions or need help with anything!
Happy editing!
~Rieda

I liked it really. But you gotta edit some errors though. And the title should be, HE LOVES HER. not HE LOVE'S HER. The message of the poem is good.

This poem is different from the other love poems. Its always good to bring somthing different to tha table. I like the depth and the emotion. I can feel the romantic saddness. You have talent (I wish I could call you kid, but you are older than me). Anyway, keep writing!!

You've got some pretty good reviews already, so instead of repeating what's already been said, I'll just point out one grammatical thing in your title that drives me nuts. You have an apostrophe where you shouldn't. Apostrophes are used to ownership or when you're taking out letters, eg "it's" instead of "it is." In this title, you're not showing ownership or saying "love is." You're saying what he is doing/feeling.