Unrequited

Unrequited

I am your shadow.
Your guardian angel.
The one you know is there.
But can never really see.
I help you along the way.
And keep you out of trouble.

I am your best friend.
The one you take for granted.
But I will never leave you.
I will always protect you.

Never will I shy away.
For you I must live.
And for you I would die.
And I pray that I may always stay in your good graces.

Your hair like the color of the sun at its highest point in the heavens.
Your lips a crimson red beyond compare.
Your eyes the color of a deep azure.
Like the ocean we’ve spent our lives by.
And our hearts connected to each other forever.

I know this unrequited love is not fruitless.
I will wait forever by your side.
Gazing into those lovely misty eyes.
And longing for the touch of those soft enchanting lips.

So I will stay and mourn what I never had.
And celebrate what I know I shall gain.

And for now I will be your shadow.
Your guardian angel.
The one you take for granted.
And can’t really see.

I will stay with you forever.
Until you realize.
We were meant to be.
Until then I will endure.
This unrequited love.

I really do love this piece of writing it is rather intriguing, but there is something about it that doesn't seem right but I can't put my foot on it sorry!! But otherwise I shall be a fan of this piece of writing and like the style.....I'm no good at this lol

I feel like I can really relate to it too because of what's happening in my life. Your word choice does a good job of helping me connect to the emotion in your writing. It feels like there's something else below the surface of your words that is held back though, not given life in the poem, but maybe that's just my life.

It would be nice if you'd specified whether your friend is male or female, but it's not essential to the poem, you can leave it like it is.

I like the way you've dealt with a common theme "Girl next door," "I love my best friend..." It's a topic many people experiment with, but because it's so overused, it's hard to do it right.

I liked the image of the guardian angel, but I wasn't sure how it fit...you're protecting your friend from...getting into trouble? If that's it, maybe be a little more clear "I guide you along/the right path/that your restless spirit/will not stray" (yeah, that sucked, but it's late, okay?) Anyway, the point there was that you're not so much protecting as guiding, leading...

I like the physical description, it expresses your love well. But once again, it makes me wish I knew if your crush (for lack of a more sophisticated word) is female or male. It would set the mood of the poem, tell us whether you're struggling with your sexuality, or your best guy friend isn't interested in you. At the moment, that point is a little confused, it makes the problem less clear.

Tweak it a little, you've started something awesome!

aww. this is cute. this is what TRUE love should be like. nicely written. good word choice. interesting. =]

Some of your imagery in this poem is really nice and I like the extended metaphor of the guardian angel. Very good, a poem almost anyone can relate to and the ending is nice.

I really liked this poem, it was really enjoyable. As a reader i was pulled in, which is a lot to say about a poem a page long. I think that some famous poems like Edgar Allen Poe's have the language that some today can not fully understand. Because his words have such feeling in them the reader gets the message. [ Like the poem Annabellee, I read it in eight grade didn't understand everything he meant at first but got the message of his tragic young love]. Well anyway your peom had that feeling a poem needs and that likable quality, can't think of any bad points....good job!

The message of this poem is certainly something a lot of people can relate too, and the imagery is definitely vivid. However, at the same time to me it seemed as though this lacked a bit of originality- all the phrases you used have been used before, and it seemed as though there was no new spin on the old ideas, of guardian angels, unrequited love and the like. Also, to me the punctuation of this disrupts the flow...you don't really need to need every line with a period I don't think...anyways, though, I definitly did enjoy reading this, I just think you could make it even more good than it is!!

Take care with punctuation; you do not need a period after every line. Punctuation si most useful for clarity and emphasis, and putting in punctuation just for the sake of putting it there is just as incorrect as putting in no punctuation at all.

Other than that, there weren't too many problems to comment on. Though, I think the narrator seems a little stalker-ish, that is only my opinion and of little concern or relevence to this poem. Try adding a few more emotions here; it will add depth and meaning, and all that good stuff if the reader is pulled into caring about the narrator and the person whose shadow s/he is, and will be more emotionally invested, therefore more interested in the poem.

The idea is nice, but I have some problems with it.

This came off real "grocery list" like. I am, I will, you have, we are this/that. There was no action in the poem, and though not all poems need action, sometimes action helps bring the reader into the poem.

An even bigger problem than that is that I felt nothing while reading it. The word choice might have been better, I just got nothing from it. What feeling were you trying to express? Capture that, and write it in a way so your reader will share the feeling with you. Otherwise, the poem does nothing.

Hey, good job! I know that I don't have enough patience to write a poem that long, so I salute you! Since nothing much like this hase ever happened in my life, I can't really relate to it, but I like the choice of words that you used.

Keep writing!

I really liked this poem - I found it easy to relate to, and I think you conveyed the message well.

I loved the way you repeated parts of stanza 1 in the second to last stanza. Your wording was lovely. My favorite stanza was the fourth - your description there was wonderful.

One thing that bothered me, though, was your punctuation - I've always felt that periods were used to separate thoughts, but here you have every line ended the same way. It made reading confusing, because sometimes I couldn't tell where one thought ended and the next started. Just my thoughts.

Best wishes
~Luna~

I don't know, I think I got the wrong impression at first. Lol, at first it was a guardian angel, totally innocent and then it turned into an unrequited love. I think the middle caught me off guard mostly. The beggining was list-like and there was a lot of telling and then right in the middle you have imagery. I think if you dressed up the beginning and the end this would turn out better and overall great. Now that I get the ACTUAL meaning, I've no more to crit on Lol.

Keep it up!
~Rieda