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Tue Feb 08, 2005 11:43 pm
Soyala Amaya says...



All right, for some reason the other day, I got really REALLY pissed at America, and this is what happened. I need some help to really make it flow, but I'm not sure. I mean, the end and the beginning go together, but the middle is just kind of out there. Some help? Thanks!

On Sale

Attention holiday shoppers!

Morality is going cheap,
And discount ethics are on the rack,
The price of freedom is kind of steep,
But there’s a limited warranty for your money back!

Microsoft is selling souls,
Because they ran out stock,
Liquid honesty is ten bucks a bowl,
And free integrity comes with every pair of socks!

Liberty can be smoked outside,
While the Bill of Rights wipes a nations ass,
But hey, we’re all in it for the ride,
As long as Salvation can be had fast.

And do I hear a bid for a genuine hallelujah?
I’ve already got twenty-one for bootlegged damnation,
But I’ve got to run because God’s trying to sue ya,
And I can’t wait to hear Gabriel’s allegations.

Who said the free?
Bcause the Free Market is too mighty,
To be in the hands of the Free people,
While it’s all just so exciting,
To have all our dreams steepled,
On top of the church of atheism.

So before Big Brother tells us what he knows,
And gives us a big slap of realism,
Let’s drive into the economy’s dieing throws,
Pulling out our plastic credit cards.

Lets flash some of that beautiful green,
To buy a piece of the American heart,
And package the American dream,
Then send it overseas to work,
For mere pennies everyday,
Under the thumb of yesterday’s dork,
Who founded the B.L.A.

So sing your song of monster media kings,
While the cheesy plot of democracy,
Stomps the shit out of the worlds big cities,
As our whatchamacallits fill the air with may-day screams,
Oh yea, that’s the voice of our morality.

I almost forgot what it sound like,
To hear it cry into that broken mike,
Of frozen forgotten truth spikes,
Trying to get us back on it’s side,
Instead of boxing it out for easier stuff,
Because we can never have enough,
Of the money, power, faux love,
And morality makes catching ‘em all, all too rough,

Because I just want to kiss someone,
Is that so much to ask?
I only want to feel beautiful,
When I finally take off that mask.

I’m lost in a world of digital enhancement,
Tall, thin women filling my TV screen,
Anorexic, haughty, collagen enchantment,
Tears me apart and makes me scream,

Because in a land that’s supposed to be free,
I don’t think I should have to pay,
For the necessary million dollar surgery,
Anyone needs to look that way,

Only I guess I forgot,
That money doesn’t mean a thing,
Plastic is used to pay for plastic,
Jewelry, and the all powerful ‘bling bling’

For the rapstarpoprockcountrypoetgaygirl power,
To build up their broken glass towers,
And pop out CD’s like eggs from a Queen Ant’s bower,
Till their mafia mangers finally go sour,

And pop out a deal that can’t be beat,
A gimmick they know won’t fail,
They’ll pull it out from beneath our bloody feet,
And put American on sale.
Last edited by Soyala Amaya on Mon Apr 04, 2005 4:37 pm, edited 1 time in total.
I didn't lose my mind, I sold it on E-bay.
  





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Mon Feb 14, 2005 12:00 pm
Matt Bellamy says...



=D>

That wasn't just a poem, it was a performance. I felt that. Loved the beginning and the end, though I think you lost that fast-paced rhythm with the shorter lines in the middle, but still, I am really impressed!
Matt.

Got Tumblr? Me too! http://www.writersam.co.uk

Peeking Cat Poetry Magazine is accepting submissions! http://peekingcatpoetrymagazine.blogspot.co.uk
  





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Fri Feb 18, 2005 12:27 am
skeptik_225 says...



Love your style and approach to a topic i too agree with...suggestion: break up the "poem" into paragraphs, its hard reading a big clump without getting lost, nicely done, i can see your creativity shine
  





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Sun Feb 27, 2005 1:42 am
Sam says...



Ha ha.

This was certainly not the usual stuff...lol, great job on this one! *wipes eyes* You got me laughing so hard....

'The price of freedom is kind of steep,
But there’s a limited warranty for your money back!'- HA HA HA!!!

I loved those lines so much. Funny stuff, that was. :D
Graffiti is the most passionate form of literature there is.

- Demetri Martin
  





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Sun Feb 27, 2005 10:28 pm
Skye says...



:D I agree with Matt, that was a performance! Beautiful stuff...I also agree that you should break it up; I had to go back in some parts and read it over because I had skipped a line or two.

Overall, this was a really awesome poem. I love all your poetry because every bit of it is loaded with passion. Awesome job!
"A poet in love is best encouraged in both capacities or neither." ~ Jane Austen, Emma.
  





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Mon Feb 28, 2005 2:24 pm
Chevy says...



Wow...my head hurts.
This was very exciting and kept me reading but their are two things:
1. Why is this is the Lyric section?
2. Why are there soooo many subjects? I seriously got confused. I was so busy trying to remember what I read on the last line, I didn't even have the chance to enjoy the line I was reading, and then when I reached the end I was like ugghhhhh....what did I just read? Truth is, I know what I read--I just couldn't really enjoy what I read. Yes, it was exciting and contreversial (which I really like)...but I kind of have a headache now.
when there's nowhere to go, it's time to grow up.
  





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Mon Feb 28, 2005 3:25 pm
Tessitore says...



Marvy poem, babe, simply brilliant. Suggestion:

And morality makes catching ‘em all, all too rough,
Because I just want to kiss someone,
Is that so much to ask?


Between the first and second line listed there, I think you should break. You suddenly hopped from the world at large to a more personal rant. It may do better if they were apart. I know it ties into the world at large (again) near the end, but it should probably be a separate stanza there as well. Maybe?

But man, girl, that was beautiful. I had chills near the end. Chills.
  








A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything, and the value of nothing.
— Oscar Wilde