Young Writers Society

"me myself and I"

It's me against the world
If i must pick sides i choose my own
i am an individual
unique
special
"you are boyish"
no, i am me-ish
but perhaps boys are me-ish too
you act strangely
i don't act
i am strange
why be lonely
when i have myself for company
i am the best company i could ever wish for
what would i do without me
I make Myself whole
i will let you be you
if you let me be me
promise me that you and i will never become the dreaded We
but instead become Both

Yep i don't really consider myself a poet (more of a story writer) critique as harshly as possible.

Spellcheck!!!!
Sorry. Actually I really like the poem, but there's so many spelling mistakes that it's pretty hard to read.

Anyway:

It's me against the world
If i must pick sides i choose my own
i am an indevidual
unique
speacal
"you are boyish"
no, i am me-ish
but perhaps boys are me-ish too
you act strangly
i don't act
i am strange

I love love love this part. Very clever and cool. Putting "you act strangely" in quotes like "you are boyish" would make it more consistent, but whatever. Awesome.

why be lonely
when i have myself for company
i am the best company i cuold ever wish for
what wuold i do without me
I make Myself whole

This bit seems maybe a teeny bit conceited. A little self-praise makes sense in a poem like this, but maybe tone it down just a little?

i will let you be you
if you let me be me
promice me that you and i will never become the dreaded We
but instead become Both

Nice ending. The we concept is kind of sudden as the rest of the poem is about you and you alone, but I guess it fits pretty well.

So overall I really liked it. Great job!

I did spell check, it was stupid of me to forget it.

Haha... spelling was completely a mess, but it was... pretty good. But I must say... go back to stories Z!
Lady

Some criticism I was able to gather:

You changed your theme from self-based to relationship-based toward the end of the poem, which threw off the meaning you held constant throughout up until that point. Also, the poem lost quite a bit of intensity in its self-centered theme. Repetition is lovely, but not when the entire poem is just one major repeating sentence in different words. It you're going to go reflective, then perhaps focus on certain pieces of yourself that result from or add to your essence, those things that set you apart, with more depth.

It had no rhythm, but i liked it anyway.

I don't want to be reflective anymore
envying and despiseing unreflective things
seeking pathos in dogs and undeveloped handwriting
and young girls doing there hair
and all the castles of the sand

so come closer
let us jion hands
and let us pray that jioned hands
will keep away the wolfs of water who raom along the coast...
bla bla bla

I have to agree with Natyr here... the first part of the poem is really strong, but as soon as you delve into a different subject, it loses its strength.

And... um... where did that come from? ^^

I made it up on the spur of the moment!
But really, it is my favorite poem so I put it there to see if anyone recognized the author (because I can't figure out who wrote it, all I know is that it is a classic author) and it seemed appropriate cause some one mentioned me being reflective. Its called Wolfs

it didnt have much rythm , but it was nice. it was quite selfcentered; although the spelling may have been wrong in quite a few places, it was fine other than that. poems dont really have to flow that well, and this one didnt flow so well, but i think it was fine. when did you write this, what were you feeling when you wrote it, becaue most of my poems are started by emotions, or events.

:thumb: DQ :thumb:

Basicaly i wrote three peoms in a row just cause i felt like it. They are all lame.

The rhythm (if it had one) was so weird to me. I loved it.