Young Writers Society

*based on a true occurrence in my life*

Spin. Clack.
'Round the chamber goes.
Evil hurries quickly,
Feeding on your woes.

Spin. Clack.
Where'd that bullet go?
It hurtled itself across the room,
Broke my barrier of thought,
'Got me screaming no.

Spin. Clack.
Your demons taunt and tease.
Falsified images in your mind,
Making your breath weeze.

Spin. Clack.
Barrel to your head,
Silver shinning metal
Ready to unload led.

Spin. Clack.
Saw this all before,
Screams are echoes of last time,
Only praying for no gore.

Spin. Clack.
You throw the gun aside,
Fists pounding on the sides of your head,
Screaming 'This is all a lie!"

Spin. Clack.
Just how the story goes,
Each revolve a newer problem,
Just waiting to be told.

I didn't read it, but just by looking at the amount of words between your repeated phrases tells me they are too repetitive. When you repeat something, try to build on it so it doesn't get boring.

silented1 wrote:I didn't read it, but just by looking at the amount of words between your repeated phrases tells me they are too repetitive. When you repeat something, try to build on it so it doesn't get boring.

How can you deem it boring when you don't even read it? -_-'