Young Writers Society

I don’t want your watered-down tears,
Your sympathetic stare,
Don’t try to make it fair.

Skip the clichés,
The half-hearted lies,
The lengthy lists of whys.

I don’t want to be your friend,
Nor you mine,
Don’t say I’ll be fine.

Because the truth is
You’re tearing my heart in two,
And all ‘cause I just had to love
Y-O-U.

Hello tgirly,

It's DreamingForever here to review your poem! I have to say that you have an excellent start here and although it was a very short and simple poem it was still nevertheless very effective and powerful. I have to say, I honestly really enjoyed reading this and you have a great talent for poetry. This review will be very short because what you have here is already pretty amazing so nice work! I always enjoy your poems but this is very good!

First of all, your rhyming is very good but I think in some places it's a little infrequent, meaning some lines have to many syllables which makes the rhyming feel slightly forced and choppy.

Nor you mine,
Don’t say I’ll be fine

Here for example, your first line has three syllables and the next line has five. Now there's nothing wrong with this but it does make it a little choppy for the reader, maybe you could lengthen the first line or shorten the last line so it's better to read.

As far as subject choice goes and how you conveyed the message you did fine. The subject you choose has been a little overused by many people but this was powerful so it didn't really impact this too much. The way you told the message was a bit obvious though and for next time try and do more show than tell- it makes the reader think more about what they're reading.

Overall this was a very nice poem and my part was easily this stanza here:

Because the truth is
You’re tearing my heart in two,
And all ‘cause I just had to love
Y-O-U.

Keep up the incredible writing! You are already an amazing poet and I look forward to reading your future writing!

From DreamingForever