Young Writers Society

I’m frozen

no motor function

my lips and tongue move

but the words

reach only isolation

I have only patience

restless and undying

There can be no crying

no tears

they’re frozen

once flowing

now still

once water

now ice

with no hope

nor desire

spare the floor

so they can shatter

but I have no goal

no destination.

I’m frozen.

Hey there!
First off I'd like to say the poem was a little different. I like the difference in it, but I do have a few problems with the poem....
Where are the stanza's? I mean, there is no form to this poem, it just looks like one big stanza that has a poem in its self...
You see what I mean?
Now your words, your words can be used differently, they need to be able to pop out in the stanza. The words are really dull and boring, try to mix up the words so the reader doesn't get bored with your piece. It also helps them see more in your point of view just by changing the words. It makes a big difference in the writing.
Now, these are only a few things that I have to say about this pieces, please don't take this harshly. Its up to you if you wish to use my advice or not.
Thanks,
~Alabaster