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Young Writers Society


Addicted



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37 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 915
Reviews: 37
Thu Jan 19, 2012 12:03 am
LukanRinta says...



You're only my drug,
but I'm heavily addicted.
This insanity; this love
is not what I predicted.

Like a hopeless drunkard
yearning for wine.
I'm dying of thirst,
and you are my brine.

Withdrawal befalls
when we say goodbye.
The symptoms are my loneliness
and the tears that I cry.

What we have is magic.
Boy, you make me fly.
And everytime I'm with you
it's like a brand new high.

I just have one question.
Whatever did you do;
how did you make me
fall in love with you?
"She looks to the stars and wishes upon one; then waits for love at the next rising sun" <3
  





User avatar
125 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 6975
Reviews: 125
Thu Jan 26, 2012 3:04 am
silentwords says...



This was a well written poem. It had a very nice flow and rhythm to it. I enjoyed the rhyming, and none of it seemed forced. I was just being carried through it. You had a nice use of figurative language in here as well. The only thing about this poem, is that the idea behind it is kind of cliche and overused. I still think that you manged to make it unique and your own, but this is the only thing that is holding your poem back. It reminds me of something that I have read or heard before. However, I did enjoy it and you do have talent (:
One nit-pick:
how did you make me,
fall in love with you?
I would just add in a comma, to help the flow.
Also, I felt like this line interrupted the rhythm:
Withdrawal befalls

Overall, this was a nice poem and I liked it. Pm if you have any questions!
I'd like to think I'm creative... instead of just plain weird ;D
  








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