Young Writers Society

We have fallen in a trap.
It was all planned from the start.
We did not know
We did not listen.
We went so far away-
Too far away to turn our backs
We are very far away now
It is not possible to return…

This trap is like poison.
It eats us from inside
With each passing moment,
We are dying…..
We are imprisoned
In a maze where there is
No end and no beginning
No way out and no way in now.

Where in each turn
Lies a new danger
Where each passage
Leads to another door.
It is an insane game
In which we fight each moment
Just to keep sane ‘cause we are
Each others opponents in this mad game.

You win this game
You win your freedom
You lose it…..
You lose your life too.
Consumed by the hunger of survival.
We fight till we are tired.
Everyday is a hell where,
We have to keep fighting each other.

You hurt me
I hurt you
You fight me and
I fight you….
It is the rule of this game-
Fight till the end
Fight till your body gives up
Till your life leaves you.

This game has made us insane
It not a matter of win and lose anymore
It is now a matter of
Our life and death….
This game works like hell…
Every time we fight each other
We are strong in our own way
Our dislike for each other grows

After every fight
We are strong or we are weak…
I have learnt a lesson,
So have you..
We are growing stronger
Insanity is your strength
Where as love is mine

Every time when we face each other
You are bit more insane
A bit more angry and
A bit stronger…..
Every time we fight,
I feel a little saner,
A little more hopeful
Perhaps a little more human…

Despite everything I still
Fight with you, hoping
To get back my life
And live it to the full…
I do this because this is
The key to the world
A world where I belong…

I don’t know anything
‘Bout you for you are
The least of my concern
You now belong to the dark
Unlike you, I have not given up.
I fight to win and this game asks for it.
You win-you gain freedom
You lose-you die.

Ooer... is this poem kind of like a fan poem for the Hunger Games? I have not read it yet but I know the basic premise so this poem really seems inspired from that.

Anyway, this might just be me, but one thing I like to do in these kinds of poems where the narrator is comparing herself to the another is to make a kind of personalization to the other person. An inside joke, if you will. Right now the terms are mainly general, which makes it grandiose. Grandiose is not bad, mind you, however you can make it deeper with more layers and more complexity if you add this personal touch.

Let me put it this way: right now, this seems to be a fan poem for Hunger Games. Add this personal touch and this poem is yours.

Best of luck!

Hey, so here's my little bit of advice. It's actually been forever since I've reviewed anything, but anyway, here goes. First I'll let you know what I disliked. For one, I think you need a lot more imagery and detail. When I think of poetry I want something that will paint a picture in my mind, this just made me think of fighting. Which is the basic idea of the poem, but it needs more. What is your truism, the theme to your piece? Is it what you said about how you are love and light and the opponent is darkness and evil? Make that more clear, so that I can get something out of your piece.
Now, what I did like was the plot. It made me want to read more, to see why they were fighting and who would win. I think this idea would make a good short story if you could add some details to it. I also loved the third stanza, it was good.
Hm, don't know what else to say, keep writing, and reading and editting and all. this was good, but like I already said, it could use imagery and a theme.