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Young Writers Society


Realist



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Gender: None specified
Points: 909
Reviews: 2
Fri Dec 02, 2011 1:16 am
TheRabiesPuppy says...



It's getting hard, to stay awake
I pop a capsule; the sugar rush
of a pink sour skittle
is enough
to get me through the day's riddle.

But what am I?
and what's the point?
No need for drugs but
just one joint?
I might as well
Mute the sounds
I'm not depressed
just 18
living what I thought would be a dream

College is a lonely place
I make
the most of fleeting fantasies
Kissed her once, vanished- she's
left waiting, 'til next tim
e.
(The meter is off
but the rhythm is fine)

And I'll stay alone
With full knowledge that I'm
insane uncontrollably
tragic visions take hold of me
and I'm left to cope
with the fact that
I'm a realist.
  





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68 Reviews



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Fri Dec 02, 2011 1:25 am
live1out2loud7 says...



I thought that this poem was good! The only problem I have with it is that it gets a little hard to follow at the end. I really like the first stanza though. Good job!!
Hard work often pays off after time, but laziness always pays off now. So does avoiding homework and creeping around YWS!

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884 Reviews



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Points: 28282
Reviews: 884
Fri Dec 02, 2011 1:25 am
StoryWeaver13 says...



I really like this. It's kinda got that off-beat personality, and I think that's really cool. A couple people might/probably will complain about the inconsistent rhyming, but personally I've never had a problem with it and like the way it works throughout the poem. My one suggestion would be to change the grammar a little - just the placement or lack of commas etc. in certain places threw this off a little bit. But seriously, I like this a lot, it's got an awesome edge to it.
Keep writing,
StoryWeaver
Reading is one form of escape. Running for your life is another. ~Lemony Snicket
  





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245 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 15440
Reviews: 245
Fri Dec 02, 2011 4:57 am
creativityrules says...



Hello, Rabies! I'm Rose, and I'll be reviewing this piece today!

First off, welcome to YWS! I absolutely love it here, and I hope that you will too. There are so many amazing, talented writers and just plain nice people on here that have helped me improve my writing dramatically since I've joined. If you ever have any questions about anything, please feel free to ask any of them or me and we'll help you out. That being said, on to the review!

Like Storyweaver, I adore this piece's personality. It's very quirky and unique. I do see a few grammatical issues with it, such as punctuation and capitalization. I'll highlight a few of them for you in bold print.

It's getting hard to stay awake
I pop a capsule. The sugar rush
of a pink sour skittle
is enough
to get me through the day's riddle.


I might've combined the last two lines, but that's just my opinion. It's absolutely fine just the way it is.

But what am I,
and what's the point?
No need for drugs, but
just one joint?
I might as well
mute the sounds.
I'm not depressed,
I'm just 18
living what I thought would be a dream.


A good rule of thumb when it comes to capitalization and punctuation in poems is to use the same rules that apply in sentences. Obviously, there are some types of poems that you can't capitalize in the same way, but you can usually apply most of the rules when you're writing free-verse poems such as the one you've written here.

All in all, great work! I hope to see more from you.

Always keep writing!
“...it's better to feel the ache inside me like demons scratching at my heart than it is to feel numb the way a dead body feels when you touch it."

-Brian James
  





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304 Reviews



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Points: 22897
Reviews: 304
Fri Dec 02, 2011 10:07 am
barefootrunner says...



This one gets a like from me as a good, solid bit of free verse that keeps it real. I had no issues with the poem and am actually just writing because I think that it is good. :) Keep up the good work, I like your style! It somehow manages to be morbid without the melodrama and a bit of dry humour to keep it going :) I enjoyed it a lot.
"Not everything that counts can be counted, and not everything that can be counted counts" - Einstein
  








You cannot have a positive life and a negative mind.
— Joyce Meyer