Young Writers Society

Always second bested,
winner of the consolation prize,
gold medal is a stranger,
but second place is mine.

I know I could do far worse,
yet when I see that finish line,
there is nothing that I wouldn't give,
To finish first one time.

Everthing in life is a race,
and I feel I'm always losing,
everybody over takes,
I need to keep on moving.

It seems no matter how hard I try,
I can't shake off this curse.
Curse of the consolation prize,
always stops me from coming first.

Hey Anna! I can totally relate to your poem. Even I'm under this curse. Sadly. But, good job! I just have one small suggestion. Your first and last stanzas don't rhyme, but your second and third stanzas do. Either you don't use rhyme, or use it in the whole poem. But I liked the rhyme scheme in the second and third stanzas. Besides that, I didn't find any mistakes or anything I would want to change about your poem. It's wonderful! Sorry, if this review wasn't very helpful. It probably can't even be called a review. :S But, yeah, nice poem!

~HPR was just appreciating~

Hi Anna,

Well, I see what you're trying to do here. I agree with HPR about the rhyming. Your first doesn't rhyme, and your second, third, and fourth seem to be trying to rhyme but not quite managing it.

Take your first stanza:

Always second bested,
winner of the consolation prize, If you're going for a rhythm, this line has too many syllables
gold medal is a stranger,
but second place is mine. Well, prize doesn't rhyme with mine, but the way you've written this I was expecting a rhyme.

I know I could do far worse, Again, this is an awkward number of syllables
yet when I see that finish line,
there is nothing that I wouldn't give,
To finish first one time. Nice job with the rhythm in these last two lines

Everything in life is a race, Awkward number of syllables
and I feel I'm always losing,
everybody overtakes,
I need to keep on moving. Nice!

It seems no matter how hard I try,
I can't shake off this curse.
Curse of the consolation prize, A little awkward in number of syllables
always stops me from coming first. The "always" is unnecessary

So my advice to you is to read through your poem aloud. Make sure that the number of syllables can be neatly fit into the line and match up with the lines around them. Read other people's poems who are solid on it. Also, decide if you want to rhyme or not, and stick to it. If you're going to partially rhyme, better not to rhyme at all. And make sure they are perfect rhymes, not like "Moving" and "losing", like "shmoozing" and "losing".

I like your concept here, you just need to fine-tune your poem. Good work and if you have any questions feel free to PM me.

Sarebear

Hey Anna!!!!! Dogs here with your review for the day! Excellent piece! I love how smoothly this flows and how you tell your story about always getting second place. It flows soo nicely did i mention that haha! So i did lol. Anywho!!!! The grammer is good and it is a good topic, but really quickly:

"Everybody over takes,"

This line is awkward in my point of view. this is the 3rd line of the 3rd stanza. It sounds like the rhyming is forced and it just dosn't fit into the rhythm you have going on so well.

Thats all I really have to say for you. Keep up the good work!!!


TuckEr EllsworTh