Young Writers Society

The only way to know, 
If you're living life the proper way,
Is to close your eyes at night,
And want them to open the next day. 

I'm not a nice person,
That I know, and truly hate a lot. 
And sometimes when close my eyes at night,
I think it would be easier to leave them shut.

My friends, my family, everyone,
If they become an 'I' instead of a 'we'
Then maybe they'd all be happier. 


Wouldn't they just be better without me?

Hey Angus!

Yes, I'm the first ever-so-reviewer! YAY! ^.^
This was a sad poem and I guess you've written it very nicely.
Now there are just nitpicks to be corrected.

Follow the red marks below:

AngusMcdonald wrote:The only way to know,
if you're living life the proper way,
is to close your eyes at night,
and want them to open the next day.

I'm not a nice person,
that I know, and truly hate a lot.
And sometimes when close my eyes at night,
I think it would be easier to leave them shut.

If my friends, my family and everyone else,
If they become an 'I' instead of a 'we',
then maybe they'd all be happier.


Wouldn't they just be better without me?

Now, I really didn't pretty much understand the second last stanza. >.< It wasn't very clear. The message you're trying to give here is not clear. Try to change that, okay?

Well, I liked this poem, a lot for beginners.
It was wonderful and I'm sure you'll get to be an even more powerful writer. XD

Keep Writing! *.*

Cheers,
Cookie <3'

Hello, Angus! I'm Rose, and I'll be reviewing this piece today.

Wow. This is a very sad poem. If this is you creating a character that isn't you, then you've done a very good job making me feel for the character. If these are genuinely your thoughts, then I hope you feel better. I know that sometimes it's hard to believe, but nobody will be better off without you. I promise it. I'm not going to tell you why, but I understand what you're going through. It will pass. YWS has helped me incredibly because it's given me an outlet for all of my thoughts that aren't very good for me. If you're feeling down, take all of the bad things and turn them into beautiful things. If you truly allow yourself to get lost in your writing, it will become an addiction, but a good addiction that is good for you.

On the technical side of this piece, I agree with Cookie concerning the capitalization and punctuation. However, I disagree with Cookie concerning the second stanza. It makes perfect sense to me. If I were you, I wouldn't change it.

The only way to know,
If you're living life the proper way,
Is to close your eyes at night,
And want them to open the next day.

So true. This might be one of my favorite things I've read on YWS.

Always keep writing, Angus! If you ever need to talk, feel free to PM me! I look forward to what you come up with next!

-Rose