Young Writers Society

Love hit me so fast,
I didn’t even notice it.
I was too wrapped up in my past,
That I missed out on the present.

I focused on my work,
Curling up into it like a protective ball.
The whirlwind of love flew past me,
It missed me completely.

And now she has gone.
I blew my only chance.
Should I chase after her?
Should I let her go?

She asked me to marry her,
But I was silent.
I regret that now,
Now that it is in my past.

But I’m snapped out of the past,
Back in the present,
And I will search the earth until I find her;
My lost love.

Hey, dogs here. Wussup Deanie! Thanks for your comment on my poem. Firstly i really like this, it's excellently written and you don't find too many poems that talk about their mistakes in love so this one is unique which is great! I really like the 4th stanza, you really tie that around to the main topic of your poem that your stuck in the past. That my friend is fantastic. I really love this line "The whirlwind of love flew past me", definitely my favorite line, it has great imaginative words in their so it creates a strong image in the readers head.

My only two big nit picks i have are really easy to fix if you think it would be better. In the second stanza when you say:

"Curling up into it like a protective ball"

Now this line has too many syllables and seems a little out of place. Also same thing for this line:

"And i will search the earth until i find her"

Great line, but again, too many syllables. That line is part of the most important part of your poem, you need a strong ending that brings everything together and has an impact on the reader. with this long line it just breaks up the flow for me at least.

Well anyways, i really loved this piece. Keep up the good work!!!!!!


TuckEr EllsworTh

Deanie!

This is such a great poem! I'm so impressed with the use of the words and situation that you are trying to portray. The story you're telling here is of regret for not having loved someone dear in the past. This is a nice concept and you've beautifully written this.

You're sounding like someone who is quite wise towards the experiences of the world. Nice work, Deanie. you are shaping up to be quite a fine poetess.

Murtuza