Young Writers Society

I can feel it, near me, without seeing it.
It’s pulling me towards it on a string.
I run, I hide, but there is no escape.
It‘s slowly luring me closer.

I try to find a distraction,
But there is a gnawing need inside me
I fight with myself silently,
But eventually I know it’s no use.

I pick up the cube of chocolate,
And stuff it into my mouth.
I relish over the sweet sensation.
Afterwards, I try not to,
But I still feel helplessly guilty.
Of not being able to fight the temptation.




.

Good god, this makes me hungry. I feel, understand and empathise with you about this kind of thing. I always feel tempted with food (cookies and muffins FTW!) and you've got it spot on. I congratulate you for making me relate. On the technical side, it is very simple and affective and almost every day, relating to the common theme of temptation. God, this makes me hungry thinking about it. You rock! Keep writing

I liked the shape of the poem -- this seems silly, but it was in blocks... like chocolate...

You described that helpless sensation of the Chocolate Crave so well, I've just eaten, but I'm lured towards the kitchen.
I can so empathise with the narrator. Incidentally, chocolate is supposed to contain small amounts of love hormones! The poem had good grammar, phrasing etc. It felt slightly "chopped", like chocolate is, so it really adds to it.

Yum...

Deanie

I can so empathize with you on this! For me, chocolate is just sweet love and warmness and I feel happy after having a good wrapper or maybe even two. But too much of a good thing can be a bad thing. So thus, occasionally, having a bite of chocolate can be quite satisfying.

This poem makes me want to turn back the time when I was about 7 or 8 and was so obsessed with those sugary treats. Thank you for sharing Deanie, You've now put up a big smile on my face.

Murtuza

Hello there!!

Now this is adorable! As a fellow chocolate lover, I can completely sympathize with you. I loved the way you wrote it; it was charming because it seemed as though you were talking about something much more serious, and then it turned out to be chocolate! Love it!

I pick up the cube of chocolate,
and stuff it into my mouth.
I relish over the sweet sensation.
Afterwards, I try not to,
but I still feel helplessly guilty
of not being able to fight the temptation.

The only part about this poem that I don't like is the second line of this stanza. I don't like the verb 'stuff'. It's just not pleasant. It's also sort of contradictory to the third line, which says you relish the sensation. Stuffing something into your mouth and then relishing it doesn't really make sense to me. I would choose a more delicate verb.

Always keep writing! I love this!

-Rose