Young Writers Society

Even when all the worlds decayed,
and in neat rows the dead are laid,
and among the rows lay You an I,
nobody left to mourn or cry.

Even when the tide invades,
and all that's left is the echo of a scream so afraid,
floating corpses is all that's left,
the earth is silent, not a single breath.

Even when fire burns us with fierce hatred,
and together we wait for death, breath bated,
all the trees are engulfed, the world is gone,
never again the wolfs howl, the child's laugh, the birds song.

Even at the very end.
Even then,
I will love you.

D'awww... Hi there anna...-inserts the numbers here-

Well, this is one nice piece you've got here. It's cute and sweet, and it flows and rhymes greatly. You've done an amazing job! However, I can't help thinking this would look more neat in the 'Lyircs Poetry' section, because it's so lovely... to me, it doesn't seem to fit in 'Dramatic Poetry'. If I were you, I would totally take it and turn it into a song, actually. But that's just my opinion! xD

Great job!

~Solly<3

Nice poem.yup,love your sweetheart until the end of the world!:D

Even when all the worlds decayed,
and in neat rows the dead are laid,
and among the rows lay You an I,
nobody left to mourn or cry.

This is the most powerful stanza in the piece, in my opinion. Just one thing: change "an" to and. I like the capitalized You; it invoked religious symbolism. I know this is probably meant to be a sweetheart thing, but I liked the pseudo-idea of faith until the bitter end.

Go forth and write more!

Thanks for the lovely reviews and the 'an' was a typo.

Hey Anna!

There are a lot of beautiful descriptions that really bring out your talent. Despite being of such a cliched context, I still find that this poem has potential. For me, there were two lines, that despite having beautiful wordings and meaning, seemed a bit out of place.

anna91423 wrote:and all that's left is the echo of a scream so afraid,

and

anna91423 wrote:never again the wolfs howl, the child's laugh, the birds song.

The above lines have a lot of great depth to them and truly bring out the feel that I think you were searching for. However, they both seemed like the odd apples in their respective stanzas, because they were far too lengthy in regard to the rest of the lines in their stanzas. This isn't such a bad thing and though being just a minor issue, it tends to throw off the rhythm of the poem that you've got flowing.

Nevertheless, this piece is nice with great moral. 'Love will still stand strong amidst any chaos'. Filled with imagery, feeling and passion, this piece is a great effort. Well done, and like I always say, keep the ink flowing

Murtuza

This was phenomenal, I love how the build up to the ending. It was so dark and held death as a theme but then culminating in love that could not be stopped by the universal octagonal sign that is death. Really brilliant imagery and use of metaphor. I am a fan.

Thanks Murtuza and Thersites! I know those lines are a bit awkward, I really liked them though and wasn't quite sure how could shorten them to fit with the rythm... Any suggestions?