Young Writers Society

Don't get me wrong, I love you
Tonight this can't just rest
No, you're not in trouble
You did nothing wrong

Through the looking glass
I see the way I act
Lashing out with burning tongues
Cannot stand to see this go on

You ask me why I laugh
And laugh, and laugh, and laugh...
I don't give you a reason, it's secret
My way to hold back toxic streams

Swallowing the pain
A bittersweet taste
Stings my calloused heart
Fills my lungs with ash

Things I cannot tell you
Build up, and up, and up
So before my insides burst and tar floods out
I douse myself with empty promises

One day my love runs thin
The empty promises half full
My vision clears: there's nothing here
Time is running out

Tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock
I scribble down my only explanation, it'll have to do
I glance up at your picture, someday you'll underdstand
We both know you deserve better than this, you have your future planned

hi!
i like the way you have brought out what heis going through (i am assuming its a male ) . though i would have preferred a diffrent start.

Don't get me wrong, I love you
Tonight this can't just rest
No, you're not in trouble
You did nothin[b]g wrong[/b]

it sounds like she is in a habit of getting into troubles often. is that the case?

You ask me why I laugh
And laugh, and laugh, and laugh...
I don't give you a reason, it's secret
My way to hold back toxic streams

its a secret.

i think the poem lacks punctuations.

on the whole it was a good read!
hope i helped.

- manisha

Well thanks for the suggestion but I'm not changing the way it starts. "you did nothing wrong" is the main character talking to someone very close to them and explaining they they're not to blame for the main character's suicide. It's a story.

You did nothing wrong

Little errors like this, combined with the lack of consistent punctuation, really hurt your poem. As it stands, I really didn't feel anything from it. It read as a massive run-on riddled with errors, and while run-ons can add a sense of rushed urgency to a piece, the effect in this poem was one of sloppiness rather than desperation or emotion.

In the future, I highly recommend proofreading thoroughly before posting. The misspellings in particular were extremely distracting, and there's really no excuse for them considering how ubiquitous spelling checkers are nowadays.

If by punctuation you mean periods I absolutely refuse. I hate periods in poetry.