Young Writers Society

The poison running down my lips, I swallow every last drop.
Smiling, I look at you.
It’s time to be with you finally.
No one to say it’s wrong, to say it’s not love; just you and me.

As I look at your pale, cold cheeks, I remember them blushing with love and happiness.
As I look at your silent lips, I remember them kissing mine gently.
I look at the empty bottle in my hands and place it beside me so they know what happened.
I slowly lay down next to you.

The world has started to become cloudy while I had been reminiscing.
I kiss your lips one more time, and look into your lifeless eyes.
I can’t help but let a lonely tear run down my face.
We had decided this was how it was going to be but you had beat me to it.

When I had gotten to you, you had already left me, but you had left a note for me:
“My love, I couldn’t stay long enough to see you die.
Please forgive me, you know you’re my everything.
I love you, I’ll see you in the next world; if you can’t find me, I’ll find you.
You know I’ll always come for you.”

My world had started to go dark.
I could feel my heart beat slowing down.
And starting to match his.
I looked at my Romeo, and said my goodbyes, as I slowly died in his arms.[/center]

Hay! Great job!

The only thing I'd work on is your transition from Romeo to Juliet. If it wasn't meant to be a transition, then I'm sorry, but Romeo killed himself with poison, and Juliet stabbed herself, so I'm a bit confused.

Was the transition "When I had gotten to you..."? I'm very unsure.

Just work on that, and it'll be fantastic.

Love & Blessings,
GoldenQuill

If you ever need anything edited, come to my tropical shack by clicking the link at the bottom of my signature or PM me. :}

It was meant to be a twist or Rome and Juliet, but thank you. What I was trying to say was the Juliet had found her Romeo dead, they had planned to commit suicide together so people would stop harassing them and keeping them apart. When she found him, she lay beside him and finished what they had started.

This is the latest reply in the history of the world, almost a year after this poem was posted.
I went back and reread this. Being a year wiser, I understood what you meant. It was quite good, ignore younger me!

didnt juliet stab herself?