Young Writers Society

its funny how we create such magnetism
when we are standing still
electronical pulses
beating to the rhythm of a plug socket
and dancing to airwaves

and our memory is blinded by halogen light bulbs
we can see nothing but ones and zeros
but they're more comfortable than twos and threes
we don't have to watch our mouths
just glance at the midnight glow every so often
and wonder how we came to love it so much

computer paradiso
in the midst of a society which gets what it needs
and knows what it wants, but doesn't know what it needs to do
the music is formed to our point of view
the camera is our artillery
the walkman is our cavalry
and the keyboard slaves are our infantry
we're led by cheap deals and interest rates

but we never learnt to think outside the box
because we're only looking at one face
with square eyes and a fake smile
and photoshop-edited complexions

Hope you like nit-picks today, Jack.

its funny how we create such magnetism
when we are standing still
electronical pulses
beating to the rhythm of a plug socket
and dancing to airwaves

and our memory is blinded by halogen light bulbs lights fits the flow more then light bulbs, but that's just me
we can see nothing but ones and zeros
but they're more comfortable than twos and threes if you take out "but" it still makes sense, and is less wordy..
we don't have to watch our mouths
just glance at the midnight glow every so often I would hyphenate "every so often", but that's just me
and wonder how we came to love it so much you use "so" twice.. sounds too repetitive and wordy

computer paradiso
in the midst of a society which gets what it needs
and knows what it wants, but doesn't know what it needs to do wordy, this and the preceding line, and I just don't like them to beginning with
the music is formed to our point of view random rhyme, can't decide if I like it or not
the camera is our artillery
the walkman is our cavalry
and the keyboard slaves are our infantry
we're led by cheap deals and interest rates how true, sad as it is

but we never learnt to think outside the box
because we're only looking at one face
with square eyes and a fake smile
and photoshop-edited complexions oh.. like the last two lines

Interesting. I'm sure half of it went over my head. But it certainly has great ideas and good images.

Yeah, some of it was hard to understand. Especially the first stanza. It seemed to be kind of drifty but perhaps that's what you were going for.

computer paradiso
in the midst of a society which gets what it needs

This part clung to me. It's all I can really remember. I loved these two lines. Every poem needs lines such as these.