Young Writers Society

She went on a journey of self discovery,
Hiding herself from all those she knew,
Afraid of what she’d find
She left behind the only comfort of life.
To know herself was more complex than to know anyone else
She decided, as new emotions were brought forth
From below the surface, below the boiling blood.
All that once sounded good became evil,
All that was capable of assisting her, fled.
Alone, with only her wits to guide her,
She traveled a jungle of actions, a jungle of feelings,
The jungle of life,
The one that left her reeling
To make way for a change, the change of life itself
The one that had the capability of leading her right past hell.
Holding on to the cold, damp wall
Twisted with vines, mud, and dirt, she climbed
Higher, scaling, into the open, a brief blast of fresh air
A deep breath,
And her moment of clarity was gone.

Hm... this was interesting. It had an interesting theme and such, but here's some crit.

She went on a journey of self discovery, (You state your theme in the first line. This can be good, but you need to word it so that it draws the reader's attention. This has more of the beginning of a story.)

Hiding herself from all those she knew, (eh, pretty good, but I suggest a different word than hiding. Perhaps 'shielding'.)

Afraid of what she’d find (Good. Try putting a 'but' in front of it. I think that would sound cool)

She left behind the only comfort of life. (This was good. Makes you want to read on)

To know herself was more complex than to know anyone else (Very nice.)

She decided, as new emotions were brought forth (I don't like 'brought forth'. How about 'surfaced' of something more colorful)

From below the surface, below the boiling blood. (boiling blood? Good adjective, but it should clearer what you are referring to here.)

All that once sounded good became evil,
All that was capable of assisting her, fled. (This was interesting and good, but I think you should expand on the first line. Add another line of opposites instead of going right into the second line/ For instance, 'All that was weak was now strong'. Also, the second line is a little wordy. Try to make it more poetic.)

Alone, with only her wits to guide her, (I don't like this part, don't know why)

She traveled a jungle of actions, a jungle of feelings,
The jungle of life, (The first jungle was good and descriptive, but repeating it three times makes it boring. Try using 'labyrinth' or something else to create contrast.)

The one that left her reeling (Who or what is the one?)

To make way for a change, the change of life itself (Okay, it feels like you're changing subjects here a little, though it may just be me.)

The one that had the capability of leading her right past hell. (Again, who or what is the one? I don't get the 'right past hell' part. How about leading her away or out of hell. I just don;t like the sound of right past.)

Holding on to the cold, damp wall (Okay, good description but a confusing transition. Try breaking this into another stanza)

Twisted with vines, mud, and dirt, she climbed (What is twisted? The vines or she or what? Clarify.)

Higher, scaling, into the open, a brief blast of fresh air (good)

A deep breath,
And her moment of clarity was gone. (I don't get your ending. Sorry, but I don't)

This was a good poem, but you should break it into stanzas or it gets confusing.Good Job, this needs work though. Try to make it more clear as well. Nice Work, keep writing!

Very narrative. I think it would be better off in the narrative section...I'd move it there if you want me to. Also, um...it reminded me of an Avril Lavigne song or something...heh...I guess that could be taken as a compliment. Depends on what kind of person you are.

And
"A deep breath,
And her moment of clarity was gone."

Um..that's an awkward way to end a poem. But it may just be your style...

:Shrugs: