Young Writers Society

say a little prayer,
to that person there.
it all builds up,
we're gonna die tonight.
say a little prayer,
'cause it's all gonna crash
when this angel
heads toward hell tonight.

Pretty cool.

I think you need to put in an adjective describing the angel, just for rythmic purposes, in the next to last line. You need some sort of filler right there. That's really all that I can see right now that should be changed. I think that it could be revised and rewritten, to be made better. It's definately got potential.

Cool idea. That's pretty much all it is. The last line is nice. ohhewwo's right: you need an adjective in front of the angel, otherwise the flow is broken. It needs developing, but it's not bad.

yeah i have to aggree... maybe damned angel falls to hell or whatever. Short simple easy to picture too... nice

ohhewwo wrote:Pretty cool.

I think you need to put in an adjective describing the angel, just for rythmic purposes, in the next to last line. You need some sort of filler right there. That's really all that I can see right now that should be changed. I think that it could be revised and rewritten, to be made better. It's definately got potential.

Maybe "when this damned angel"? Since that's the title and all.