Young Writers Society

The Vacuum


People will not necessarily be transient.
The rumour that they are something other than awfully transitory
Ought to be perceived as an end.
There won't be some people that people won't see.
There will be some things that people will see.
Or death ends.

This is a pseudo-intellectual piece of garbage. Your point was weakly construed and wrong.

"People will not necessarily be transient."

The sad truth is: we are.

"The rumour that they are something other than awfully transitory/Ought to be perceived as an end."

A rumor ought to be an end. That's an incomplete thought, and if your aim was for reader interaction, you failed miserably. And "as an end" to...? You began a thought and then just ended it, as though you had heard the phrase, "To this end" and performed a butcher's cut at slapping it into a poem. Also, "transitory" is redundant and clunky, here. Remove it.

"There won't be some people that people won't see."

Redundant and stupid. Everyone knows this. In poetry, your strife is towards originality. We all are well-aware that few people slip through this world undetected, so there is no need to further emphasize this point and condescendingly tell the reader what he or she already knows.

"There will be some things that people will see."

Interesting, but when one stops to grasp it's meaning...So what? Who cares? You don't carry this idea on any further in the poem, but that's okay, because this is something your audience already knows, too.

"Or death ends."

There are two ways of interpreting this line: A) The person has died or B) The person's death is temporary. Both ways, this "poem" amounts to nothing more than philosophical babble, and not particularly good philosophical babble, either. I guess if you were going for bad philosophy, it's all right, but you should turn these philosophies into stories and exemplify them; not post them as poems with no mental images, no metaphors, but chock-full of blatant statements.

I didn't get: "There won't be some people that people won't see."
What does that mean? It was really confusing me.
I really liked the last two lines though.