this was really sweet. I'm a horrible critiquer, but I'll try.
burning and scratching
throaty, guttural voices
in blank white rooms whose
existence demands a lifeforce
so that it too may gobble down
clandestine memoirs and --
*big words. Nice picture*
nobody cares *I think that's a really overused sentiment*
they only want to see
people breaking down and on their knees
shedding and screaming
poetic verse or grandeur fiction
or feel blood on their hands.
and i curl up and let them
just don't hurt me *awwww....that's so...sad...and sweet*
that's all i want.
I liked this image most of all. It was really prettty but I didn't quite understand it.
because if others aren't watching
i know i'm not there *you aren't there unless people are watching you? i don't understand that*
i am not the boy they thought i was *boy...I would say man.*
i did not collapse to the evils of woman
but that of man and
i've spent the last three nights staring up
at the same damn tiles in the same damn ceiling
trying to place the stars where they belong
*that was pretty*
I guess i do suck at critting. All I could say was how pretty it is. But it is pretty. Sorry I know this didn't help much but there's not a lot to say about it. It's beautiful but it's maybe just a little too short, and...I guess the first verse wasn't as pretty as the second but it flows nicely.
Gender:
Points: 890
Reviews: 915