Young Writers Society

Lol, the ending kinda caught me off gaurd there. All of a sudden, you're talking about your hair, lol. I loved this one, you know I always love our poetry, Brad. One thing, though. in the first stanza, the part that says 'in the hands of boys in books long forgotten', two 'ins' sound a bit odd. Other than that, I really did enjoy this one. :thumb:

I liked it, though the references to food were confusing

I noticed the in thing pretty early on...thanks for stealing all possible critique, Tara! lol

i seriously don't have any critique. Other than to say the lame-o usual great job please post more.

Great poem of course however I don't like the end it throws me too much - I don't know you may want that affect?

salvation
is silence in
idle thoughts in
transparent beliefs
in the hands of boys
in books long forgotten

Too many 'in's' however good start

But meh really don't like the ending sorry.

Hmm. This wasn't one of your best. Even though I know you hate sentences like that *smiles*

Especially the "were you" stanza, that didn't do it for me. Seemed so out of place...this was probably your intention, however, I don't think this is needed as the next few stanzas after this provide that purpose. Generally, the poem was fresh, I liked the enjambement style of ending with "are", "is" and "in" forcing you to read to the next line and letting it flow well. However, the end ruined it for me, and although this wans't your best,I still know you are an excellent writer and look forward to your next 'installment' (you're a regular comic book now).