Young Writers Society

the soft sound of a computer dying
made me think of you.

the defiant swirl of a cable
reminiscent of those brunette curls
the smooth slide of a digital mouse
like your conversational ease
the satisfying harmony
of an ejected drive,
echoes of that sweet night
i'll never forget.

but the unexpected harshness
of an internal error
was you absolute.

all i manage to create
is a bucketful of meaningless e-mails
that infect your inbox
and limit our decaying relationship
to nothing more than a few lines
on an instant messenger window.

my only beacon of light
flashing on this dark
monday afternoon.

wohey loved it truely did, your poerty freakishly describes my life a little to well

the soft sound of a computer dying
made me think of you. ----> An amazing start to the poem, instantly made me want to read on.

the defiant swirl of a cable
reminiscent of those brunette curls
the smooth slide of a digital mouse
like your conversational ease
the satisfying harmony
of an ejected drive,
echoes of that sweet night
i'll never, ever forget.

I love the way you compare her to the computer! in this stanza especially ::
the defiant swirl of a cable
reminiscent of those brunette curls


Relating more than you know to this stanza espeically the first three lines!!

all i manage to create
is a bucketful of meaningless e-mails
that infect your inbox
and limit our decaying relationship
to nothing more than a few lines
on an instant messenger window.

my only beacon of light
flashing on this dark,
oh so dark
monday afternoon.

And you finish with a lovely ending

really have nothing bad to say about this sorry not very helpful I know!!

Interesting imagery, the whole internet love thing. Very 'in' at the moment with all these people falling in love with a font, so to speak. The way you bring the computer to life is intriguing.

wow, i like this. i love the first line, it pulle dme in and forced me to read. nice imagery describing relationship with computer and love.

Love this line:
the defiant swirl of a cable
reminiscent of those brunette curls

wow that a perfect vivd imagery of the gril, or a girl for that matter.

lovely, keep up the good work

Thanks for all your comments, appreciated.

all i manage to create
is a bucketful of meaningless e-mails
that infect your inbox
and limit our decaying relationship
to nothing more than a few lines
on an instant messenger window.

I really like that part, it really seems cool and puts a 'blue' essence on your poem (blue like picasso's blue paintings, i think).

Only two problems:

"i'll never, ever forget."

Would sound better and more meaningful without the "ever."

And:

"oh so dark "

Should be totally omitted, unless you really want to come off as an emo kid who relied on the Pathetic Fallacy.

Anyway, I was breathtaken with this poem, excepting those two things aforementioned; you've got a real talent here, exploit it.