Young Writers Society

OK this originally started out with the idea for the first line...then i just had fun with it and kept adding to it. sorry, it's rather rambling but oh well

ok sam note to self-

'her lips leave your cheek leaving
Chanel Ruby Red #13 all over your face which
you try to rub off but it smears on your fingers
and you think
blood
like those little games you used to play as a kid with the ketchup and you'd stick it
on your fingers and pretend
you were bleeding like
'oh my god mom check my vitals there's lycopene-enriched tomato concetrate
erm...
oh no it's a big boo boo and it hurts
so bad'

yeah
like that

or you think CSI with their little cotton
swabs stained with some dead
guy's blood and how gross
that is but still...
it's all for the best, right? like
they could catch a serial killer er...
no
cereal killer who stole your count
chocula, you know?
the evil guy you can't steal some cartoon
vampire who is like, living in a castle and junk
on the front of some crap-o...
oh did i just say that? I meant enriched
with 12 vitamins and minerals for healthy
growth yeah like that's ever going to happen
'cause it's just not the same unless
you force brussels sprouts down your throat

yeah. like that

but now you have the problem of
wiping that stupid designer
lipstick off your cheek while
she's not looking 'cause it's just
oh so gross.

yeah. like that.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! VERY FUNNY! *wipes tears of laughter* the first line was good but the rest was off rythum and it didn't seem poem like, I didn't really unterstand the meaning of most off it but some parst made perfect sense.

This part was hilarous!!

cereal killer who stole your count
chocula, you know?
the evil guy you can't steal some cartoon
vampire who is like, living in a castle and junk
on the front of some crap-o...
oh did i just say that? I meant enriched
with 12 vitamins and minerals for healthy
growth yeah like that's ever going to happen
'cause it's just not the same unless
you force brussels sprouts down your throat

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

This is less of a poem and more like rambling put onto different lines seemingly randomly. The enjambement is too jagged and it's hard to read properly.

It was just adding on to concious thoughts one at a time. lol that's why it's so confuzing

Sam this is adorable! It was really funny and sweet. I liked it alot!

The repitition of, "yeah, like that," was pretty sweet.

"but now you have the problem of
wiping that stupid designer
lipstick off your cheek while
she's not looking 'cause it's just
oh so gross. "

LOL!

Clever and witty and hilarious and super duper awesome and so funny! I dont 't think I've read a more rambling piece that was actually as good as this one. The whole count chocula thing was hilarious.

like those little games you used to play as a kid with the ketchup and you'd stick it
on your fingers and pretend
you were bleeding like
'oh my god mom check my vitals there's lycopene-enriched tomato concetrate
erm...
oh no it's a big boo boo and it hurts
so bad'

It's hilarious. But you know, it's better if you just use paint and mix it with water so it actually flows like blood. But you also have to take black and red pen and color in fake cuts. Your parents would freak! Truth be told, my brother did that and I thought the blood was real but it was a joke and didn't hurt so the next day I....

ha ha.

I've sparked a conversation as to how to make your parents think you're bleeding..interesting