Young Writers Society

Brother, I love you

He was with me from the start.
He stood by me in what was right.
From my baby days on wards,
brother, led me with strong courage.

My childhood was he,
because he reigned fearless.
Nothing could destroy us,
we were united like a country.

But alas! Everything came to an end.
He graduated from high school with others.
The days passed with a blink of an eye,
like a vegetable getting chopped.

We saw each other daily,
but only for a decade!
You left me and moved on,
I did too, but never properly.

The love and words of wisdom,
of a sibling is like a chain unbreakable.
They are more than what they look like,
mean’t to leave our hands soon…

Seeing you twice a year,
is not good enough for me!
Brother, I love you no matter what,
I’m glad God sent you down as my Gabriel.

x---End---x

ChocoCookie wrote:He was with me from the start.
He supported me for what was correct.
From my baby days on wards,
brother, led me with strong courage.

"He supported me for what was correct" is sort of awkwardly worded... I think you mean "He stood by me in what was right"
The following two lines are beautiful

ChocoCookie wrote:My childhood was he,
because he feared nothing.
Nothing could destroy us,
we were united like a country.

"because he reigned fearless" might be better, and sound a little more artsy when paired with that last line, 'we were united like a country'

ChocoCookie wrote:The love and words of wisdom,
of a sibling is like a chain unbreakable.
They are more than what they look like,
mean’t to leave our hands soon…

I loved this stanza! such poetic flow to it
Beautiful writing my dear, keep writing!

Extremely touching, truly amazing the emotions are very visible, but I have to admit some of the metaphors are quite peculiar, like a vegetable being chopped....?
Otherwise great job!
- Midnight