Young Writers Society

I feel like my Brain is demented, 
As Im in a huge state of depression
From the early days I was sectioned 
I was crazed with numerous painful injections
Always Under critical surveillance
As me and all the other patients
Attempted escaping, the ventilation would release wicked vapors
to take away our human nature.

I feel like I'm Locked away in a cell, that’s pitch black, completely dark
like my eyes were attacked by a posinus gas
releasing chemicals to Isolate my brain in thinking that it's fine being trapped.
So as I fall back and weeks pass
I talk to myself by holding on every thought that has made my life A living hell

I Feel like im Alone in a cage, 
With no hope of an escape, With no hold of a blade
So I grow my nails long enough to cut up my shallow veins
I Guess Being Depressed and suicidal, allows me to try take out my eyeballs
with a full hearted attempted, in trying to snap my own neck

As i am on the verge of insanity, 
Persuading my mind to never return to reality
As I'm always at war with the demons within
Waking up in a state with cuts through the veins deep in my skin
While these stupid doctors make observations on a consistent basis
I See us patients locked in cages inhaling toxic vapours
To get our minds away from the constant analysis 

Poor creatures, passing out in the Corridors 
And I contract infections with a evil intention sectioned with my very own dysfunction,
My mind waiting on These hawks to feed on my rotten corpse.

I still see myself in this derelict and violent 
abandoned mental Asylum
Where every ward is Isolated and dead quiet 
The level of destruction is a cause 
for concern, As My mind burns as 
I learn the truth off the lies that never seem to get learnt 

When at night I feel like I'm sent into the dungeon, tortured and hunted
With other patients with self-inflicted fatal wounds, 
when meeting our ever lasting doom
So As I Watch the docs in radiation suits taking me through to the operation rooms
I feel like I should say farewell To the troubled
And presume that I'll be away from it all, when I reach my grounded tomb.

Wow. Hi there, Abid155!

First off, thank you! For bringing us a topic that has not been worn out by other writers, and for expressing it in an interesting way. I love how it's in first person, and the fact that you're simply expressing what this person feels, makes it amazing. Although, there are punctuation problems. Why are there just a couple of commas, and just one point? Also, you forgot some apostrophes. I'd work on that. Another thing is that your stanzas don't seem to have a pattern; notice how some lines are short and some are incredibly long. I'd manage to make it look more uniform. Remember that before reading, readers simply look, and making it look less complicated will give you more fans, they will appreciate your writing more. That's all. Great job!

~Solly<3

Wow.

One of the deepest poems I've read in a while. First off, thank you for giving us a look at life inside the darker reaches of the mind, where some are doomed to live most of their lives.

Well written for the most part, mostly minor grammatical errors. In contrast with GeeLyria, I actually like your inconsistent line length and rhyme, it adds to the aggravated, intense voice of the poem.

Nicely done:)

That is very dark but it was still very.... wow. I liked like very much as you can tell. You may want to go for a... brighter subject next time but I still enjoyed it very much. You did well and will most likely do better. Good job and good luck